By Dr. Margaret Curtis, WCI Columnist
When we moved to Maine 12 years ago for my work, we put our kids in the sweet little private school across the street. We figured we would only be here for a few years before we moved back to our small town in Vermont and its K-8 public school. The cost of private school seemed reasonable at the time, especially weighed against the convenience of not driving to and from school every day. We debated moving and changing schools many times over the years but—for a variety of reasons—have stayed here. One kid is now in college and two are in high school, and we have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on tuition.
If you read my article on (crowing about) all our goofy thrifty habits, you might be surprised to learn I send my kids to private school. You might think I’m a fool or just bad with money. Well, go right ahead because I have already thought all those things myself. Use the comment section to get it out of your system.
I went to a private high school (you can add privileged to the list above), as did my brothers and my husband, and I know the cultural and educational aspects of private schools as well as anyone. There are plenty of arguments for and against when, in truth, it is impossible to generalize about something as individual as school choice. There is no such thing as a school that is right for every kid. So, I will only address the cold hard financial realities of private school, and I will end with some unsolicited parental advice.
Someone might as well benefit from my experience, even if it isn’t me.
#1 The Timing of Private School Finances Is Inconvenient
For most physicians, having children coincides with residency and early career. This is the time to set yourself up for later success by saving, especially if you plan to help pay for your kids' college. You can use 529 money to pay qualified K-12 expenses, but you will have to save significantly more to pay for both private school and college (obviously), and you will lose out on the long-term growth benefit by withdrawing money sooner. This is not a great time to commit a significant portion of your post-tax income to what is, in truth, a luxury.
Before anyone says “education is an investment!” this is a financial blog, and “investment” is quite narrowly defined. You can reasonably expect your investments to provide you with a monetary return, and private school will not do that—not for you and probably not for your kids. Although the data shows that a college education increases lifetime earnings up to $1.5 million, there is no such confirmatory data for private schools. Private school is a luxury because there is a reasonable, free alternative: public school. No one buys a Mercedes for essential transportation, and no one sends their kid to private school because there is no other option (there are kids whose personal and educational needs just can’t be met at public school, but they are the exception and not the rule).
You will be tied to a high-paying job for as long as you have to pay tuition. When you are just starting out as an attending, you may feel (as many of us did) that you could work full-time forever. When you are 50, you will probably feel differently. My husband would happily retire tomorrow, but he is literally working to pay tuition at this point. We have paid close to $500,000 so far, and we still have 11 years of college, total, ahead of us. We have enough for about two years of private college tuition in each kid’s 529 plan. If that was painful to read, it was even more painful to write.
#2 Private Preschool Is a Gateway Drug
The cost of private preschool is comparable to daycare, with the added appeal of ambient classical music and a live cam of a red-tailed hawks’ nest.
But all the niceties come at a price. The costs will increase over time, as your kid moves up through the grades—not exponentially, but significantly and well above the inflation rate. Over the last 10 years, our kids’ tuition has more than doubled. When you are looking at a private school, it is easy to consider the annual tuition and think, “That’s less than the cost of a new car! No problem!” What you need to do is make a spreadsheet with current tuition rates, add at least 5% per year, and then multiply by the total number of years.
It’s not a new car; it’s a new house.
#3 You Will Be Keeping Up with Some Very Wealthy Joneses
Your kids will (hopefully) have classmates of a variety of means, but there will be a preponderance of wealthy kids and a few for whom money seems to be no object. It is harder to keep your kid grounded and their/your expectations in check when their friends have the best of everything.
I went to private school thanks to my grandparents, and my parents were upper-middle-class but not private-school-wealthy. My mother was one of the few there who worked outside the home.
[A non-financial aside: This is one of the things that still irks me about private school. There are an astonishing number of parents who don’t have full-time jobs. When our kids were in public school, there was an assumption that parents would be occupied during working hours. Now, we have to regularly reschedule conferences because my husband and I are both at the office. I don’t even want to talk about the regular “parent coffee hours” at 9am.]
When I was a kid, I once came home from a friend’s house and said (actually, whined), “Why can’t we renovate our house like Katie’s family?” Looking back, I think Mom showed incredible restraint in not reading me the riot act right then and there. She made sure I understood the importance of work and gratitude. I have tried to do the same for my kids, but sending them to private school made that task needlessly harder.
Here is what I tell young parents about private school:
- Give public school a good try. By “good,” I mean more than a year. We didn’t, and I wish we had. Not just for financial reasons—although that’s what I’m addressing here—but for all the cultural and community reasons.
- If the only decent pre-K option is private, commit to switching to the local school for kindergarten and stick to it. Every kid will be starting new then, and I promise your 5-year-old will adapt.
- If you already have a kid in private school and are thinking, “She can’t leave her friends/teachers/activities. We could have done it last year, but this year it’s too late,” I thought the same thing, too. Every year, for years. There are two times when it’s really hard for kids to change schools: during middle school and during high school. (Of course, some kids really NEED to change schools during those times). Any time before middle school or at the natural “breaks”—such as between middle and high school—are good times to take the leap.
If we had kept our kids in public school through high school and used that money to invest or buy rental properties, we could be retired by now. Or I would be writing this from my home in Jackson Hole. I might not even be writing, because I would be too busy with my team of sled dogs. In all seriousness, my husband wouldn’t still be working grueling hours, and we would have breathing room to do more of what we love.
Maybe those aren’t your goals and the outlay for private school fits into your financial plan. But before you commit so much of your money and future savings to building the private school path, you should become as well-educated as possible.
Do you or have you sent your children to private school? Was it worth it? Would it have been better for your financial journey to send them to public school instead? Comment below!
Dr. Margaret Curtis: Thank you for sharing your opinion about private vs public school. The choice of one or the other is very personal. I have had friends “quipped” to my face that I’m wasting money sending my kids to private school. We all have different ways of wasting money. Some waste theirs in smoking, others in drinking or gambling. We chose to “waste” ours on our children. Our values may detect where we send our kids to school. For us, religion is very important. Whatever our kids grow up or choose to be, we hope that they will put God first. That discipline must begin at an early age at home and school. As my parish priest remarked, “give them something to rebel against or they will pick up whatever from the streets.” Social media is taking control of our kids and that’s scary. The proper choice of a private school does not have to break the bank. Whereas some public schools are great, but if a private school at reasonable cost can meet our wants, we will send our kids there in a heart beat.
Thank you for reading, and for your comment!
The decision of where to send one’s child(ren) to school is complex and nuanced, and there are too many variables to generalize. The financial calculus is just one part of the decision- but it is an important one and in my experience a complex one.
As I said, there is no school that is right for every kid – and I should have said, every family. Sounds like you have found a school that fits your family – woohoo!
My son was born 6 weeks before intern year. We lived in the same house through med school, residency, and for 2 years as an attending. Our house was a firmly middle class house in a “transitional” neighborhood and the schools were terrible. As a urologist my training was 5 years and my son didn’t go to kindergarten until I was an attending. We put him into a small Christian school and have been thrilled with our choice. It cost roughly $600 a month and that didn’t even move the needle on our budget. Honestly we now donate more to the school than our kid’s annual tuition because we believe in the school and it’s mission. There are a lot of missionary kids and at least 50% of the class on some financial aid. There has been minimal temptation to keep up with the Joneses and the education has been wonderful. 10 kids per class and the teachers truly care and love our kids (not that public school teachers don’t but still…) . It’s been a blessing. My oldest is now 14 and is starting at our public high school (the private school is k-8 and we moved to a different school system with our forever house) but my daughter is still there and my youngest will start at the private school when it is time. I have no regrets about this decision.
This certainly sounds like it was the right decision for your children and you – but it was also a different decision than sending kids to a K-12 that costs $32k per year per kid, and working more to do so. That decision might also be the right one but the financial aspects of it (and the real demands that come with earning all that money as a physician) have to be factored in. Thank you for reading, and commenting.
The greatest luxury is having time with your children. For us, dual doctor family, we are choosing to joib share so that we have time with the boys and can participate in a Christian hybrid private/ homeschool. We value the ability to have greater control over the influences our children recieves.
Protecting their innocence and ensuring they learn proper values is worth more to us than 20 Jackson Hole properties. I’ll have to work longer in terms of years but 30 hours will certainly help extend my career without burning out.
Working less than full-time and spending more time with your kids sounds wonderful.
I hope it was clear that I was joking about the Jackson Hole property. Not at all joking about wanting sled dogs.
Working less than full-time and spending more time with your kids sounds wonderful. For many physician households (including mine, a dual-physician household) working MORE to pay for private school is more the reality.
I hope it was clear that I was joking about the Jackson Hole property. Not at all joking about wanting sled dogs.
I was lucky to have the opposite incentives- the appropriate private school (the only non-religious one, ie where my kids wouldn’t be taught Creationism) would have committed ME {spouse not an option, active duty Army} to ?12 years of twice daily driving the kids 30 minutes one way into town. Aside from being brought up with the progressive principle of improving the public school if it is lacking rather than fleeing it (but my parents hadn’t experienced the effects of decades of racist, anti lower class gutting of public education practiced in the South), I had been under impressed by the information I had about the school, probably since I’d gone to a highest ranking public school which is certainly much better than that particular one, and doubted MY kids would do much worse at the local public school. I inadvertently chose the whiter school (think they would have done as well at the more minority school though) since the two kids could then go to the same one K-12 riding the bus together, and eventually my kids went off to a state magnet (public, boarding) high school which is even better than my high school had been. Not an option though for everyone, not even every doctor’s kids- aside from limited enrollment it limited options for varsity athletes.
I also looked at the financial issue and felt paying as much as for 4-5 years of full price private college for their 17 some years private school before even covering college was a poor use of our resources and that I’d rather home school if they weren’t doing alright in the public school. Luckily for us my dislike of driving (not to mention the need to find alternatives for me to actually work as a doctor not a chauffeur) and lack of being impressed by that private school has turned out well I believe for both our kids and our finances .
Everything we do has a value attached to it (just like we always tell patients: everything has risks and benefits). The time you would have spent driving back and forth has a real value (as in, what you could theoretically earn during that time working as a physician). Your sanity and quality of life also has a value.
I would do just about anything to avoid driving an hour each way twice a day. You would have to convince me that the school on the other side of town was the only thing standing between my kid and a life of being a Yankees fan to get me to sign up for that.
For observant Jews, private religious school is almost a default. It can be very expensive and weighs on our finances. Living in a lower COL location can help, but there aren’t too many Jews in most of them (and hence no schools or community). But we believe it’s very worthwhile and other luxuries can wait.
We send our girls to a reasonably priced private school ($7500/each in tuition). We are doing it because they have the strictest cell phone policy and require all kids to wear tennis shoes. This means that my 5th grader plays outside every day at recess instead of standing around the playground watching kids sneak out their phones and texting. There is also a very strict policy in bullying and texting outside school hours that is enforced.
We tried public school and this behavior with cell phones was the norm. We are putting up with the religious portion and feel like we are buying additional years of childhood for the girls. As an added bonus, the class sizes are 18 compared to the class size of 32 when we tried the public school.
It’s easier to swallow because the school is only K-8.
Ooooh, I can see why that might be worth paying for!
Great post. I have always been against private school. I know this is a financial blog but one reason and maybe only for this reason i have been forced to consider private school for my boys is because of the politicized, conforming and just flat out wierd BS thats being taught and jammed down our throats in public school [I live in NYC so use your imagination]. As a product of public school education, it pains me to say that I will select a traditional private school that matches my basic values. Avoiding liberal indoctrination of children, priceless.
Hi James!
I’m in NYC also and struggling with what to do. My daughter is starting Kindergarten in the fall. Our local public school is supposed to be good, but they got rid of “Gifted and Talented” and also I heard all the public schools had major budget cuts.
I did apply to citywide Gifted and Talented and am waiting for the results but don’t want to send my daughter on a long commute every day.
Which private schools in NYC would you recommend? We have only checked out Kew Forest as we live in Queens.
Thanks!
Good decision.
It certainly wouldn’t help.
Public schools have deteriorated badly. Quality is poor and too political. Thats a BIG problem.
Re the advertisement on Wellings Capital on investing in mobile home parks — the New York Times had an article series in March 2022 about this trend and personally I wouldn’t want to be involved in it. (behind a paywall unfortunately here’s the link https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/27/us/mobile-home-park-ownership-costs.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share)
While legal you are trying to optimize profits on very poor people by raising rents. Mobile homes are about the cheapest housing possible and if the people are priced out there there isn’t a cheaper place to go so the next place could be the street. I see a lot of poor people in medical practice and don’t want to contribute to making their life even harder. If I was going to do real estate I personally would look elsewhere even though I’m sure it’s good and stable returns. Self storage sounds great (relatively well off people who bought too much stuff they don’t want to get rid of so are willing to pay, no problem) but mobile homes not so much.
If you raise rents too high you wont have any tenants. Why would a landlord, even one that rents mobile homes, want vacant properties? Aren’t we better off having people living in cheap mobile homes than on the street? It seems mobile homes fill the gap between homeless and amenity apartments.
A large company will try to get the maximum possible return. I don’t blame them for doing it but not how I want to invest my money. I lived in an apartment during residency that was owned by an individual and rent was the same for three years — they were happy to have a stable tenant and used their 16 or so unit multi family presumable for retirement income. Later I rented another apartment from a large management company and they were very aggressive about raising rents at the end of the lease. It’s the same thing with these companies — they buy a mobile home park that hasn’t had prices raised aggressively to market and do so since they have the staff and scale to deal with turnover that a smaller scale owner may not.
There are all sorts of hazards when it comes to investments. Do anyone of us think that Google and Facebook are purely “good” companies? Both are in VTSAX.
That being said, you have to invest in what you feel will help you sleep at night.
Regards,
Psy-FI MD
Google got rid of “don’t be evil” quite a few years ago, but there’s no doubt they on balance they do far more good than Facebook.
Is there much of anything socially redeeming or not outright evil about Facebook and the other companies that “Meta” owns?
If your tenants are your favorite charity, then go ahead and go that route. If not, then charge market rent and donate the extra profits to your favorite charity.
Interesting comment, but can be dismissed offhand. If nobody is a mobile home investor, where are those folks who need to live in mobile homes going to live? If it isn’t profitable to provide that housing, nobody will do so. This is a transaction between two willing participants and the basis of our entire economic system, you know, the one that has created the highest standard of living for the rich, average, and poor in the entire history of the world.
Unusual blog or maybe I am just getting old and don’t realize what young docs don’t know. I do not think it takes a PHD in economics to understand that spending money (lots of it) on private schools takes away money to be invested elsewhere. I believe most parents want to raise their children with the same values that they have. If the local government school does not provide those values they should look elsewhere, and they should be able to take their tax money with them. Economics is the allocation of scarce resources with alternative uses — Thomas Sowell
“Our kids are maladjusted victims that cant sign their name in cursive or make change, but we are financially independent at age 50!!”
Perhaps a better blog might be understanding the true cost of raising a child before having a child. Once you have them, they need to be your homework for life.
Sounds like a bit of a pedantic title, but feel free to submit it as a guest post lol
I come from an immigrant family and went to public school. It was not a lavish school district and I still recall the school was known as Loserville by rival schools.
I was not the most motivated student but I did well and I took all honors and AP classes. I can say, looking back, that I was surrounded by intelligent and motivated kids by essentially being cranially segregated.
I realized just how much the honors and AP classes did not represent Loserville when I had to take electives such as the health class which was scary as all get out with drug dealers and thugs in the class.
That taught me that I better work very hard to stay out of the “health class” of life. And don’t ever commit a crime because you will be judged by the “health class”. Our peers are pretty scary, that is what I learned.
I spent a ton of money on private school for my first child but am not doing that with my second child.
My public school experience helped me to easily be among the top of my class because there wasn’t much competition and it got me places I probably would not have gotten if I went to school somewhere else. It took 10 years of getting into my middle ages to reflect back and realize that it was not all that bad.
When you look at the cost of top private school compared to physician incomes it brings home the reality that despite all the hard work and seemingly big incomes most doctors aren’t in the 1%. If they can pay it (and many do) it is a stretch, particularly since most physicians won’t be getting a pay raise in their 40s – 50s like many other successful fields. They are lucky not to burn out and need to cut down shifts at 45-50s.
It’s a hard reality though as not many people going into medicine thought they could have a private jet but many thought they could afford top schools for their kids. Particular if the job ends up not being as fun or personally rewarding as they thought it would be before going through 7-10’years of training. From me I couldn’t go to my choice of college due to cost but was hoping it wouldn’t be the same for my kids. Now I’m not so sure, 7 years out from that expense. Hopefully, but depends on market returns but I should feel lucky I can at least afford a state school.
As these comments illustrate, different families have different goals for their kids’ educations. Some specifically want to avoid religious indoctrination. Others seek that out. Public schools could serve those who do not want their children taught religion. Public schools would not work for those who want the religious aspect in school. Of course, wanting religion usually means wanting a particular religion. For those who have a specific religion they want taught, a school that pushes a different religion could be worse than no religion at all. Some want their kids to get particular social emphases in school that others want to avoid. Impossible for one school, no matter how good the education, to satisfy these contradictory goals.
In more rural areas, there may not be much choice of schools. Remember the recent Supreme Court case about a remote area in a state where there were very few public schools. Many parents who were far from wealthy sent their kids to the only schools available which were often religious.
We sent our kids to private school for the education, which we believe was better than that available at the local public schools. This gave us more choice in where to live, since quality of the public schools was not a limiting factor. It was expensive, probably more expensive than it would have been to buy a house in a town with better schools. But it may be close because the house we bought was pretty cheap…
The private schools our kids attended hade MORE racial ethnic and income diversity than did our public schools. By no means were all the parents rich. Some were quote well off, most were from a range of jobs and incomes. The schools had a lot of financial aid and our kids had friends who could attend only because they were paying nothing.
Among the families we knew, I don’t recall any who had stay at home parents. All were working at their careers. Even in the independently wealthy families, both spouses worked.
The cost did not delay retirement because we were not looking to retire at the earliest point we could afford it. We are far past that and have no intention of slowing down.
If you cannot afford private school, then the decision is made for you. SOME private schools particularly religious ones, have low tuitions.
If you can afford private school then you have to look at the options available and decide which school, public or private, is best for your kids. If you want to get or avoid certain religious or political orientations at school, then those become other factors in the decision.
No way there can be one right answer, the same for every family.
Thanks for your comment. (and an aside: that Supreme Court decision involved my state, Maine.)
Interesting to me that although I tried to write about the financial aspects of private schools (with a few sidebars), the comments are 90% about the very personal and complicated choice to use public vs private schools.
If you clearly can’t afford private school then you have other options – but event those word “can’t afford” are open to interpretation. For some physicians, including some commenting here, any sacrifice is worth what is a core value. For others, there is no value in private school, or at least there is significantly less value than in other goals. In our case, we were too quick to dismiss the cost and assume that it was only a cultural/educational choice and not a financial one.
Welp, I guess we can add “Private school” to the same category as “Tesla owners” and “Crypto buyers.”
As a product of a private school in our current area (my hometown), I find it hard to commit to the $30k+/yr private non-parochial school tuition that most high earning parents send their kids. Part of it is bragging rights, while others falsely believe it leads to more success in life. For our 2 kids we’re talking about $1M for K-12 when it’s all said and done. While that money would be nice for ourselves, I’m more inclined to save/invest that for our kids to be used towards housing when they’re adults, which is getting only more and more expensive, or their future expenses/retirement to give them an easier life and not be so tethered to the workforce cog. Don’t get me wrong, the nice facilities and generally good peers are a plus, but it also seems these schools have become unhealthily competitive over the years. I also agree with the point about commitment once you start and how you become a slave to your job. No thanks.
Thank you for this post!!! This is a topic I endlessly agonize about.
We are on year 4 of public school and I question that decision regularly. Cost is definitely a factor. I’m just not certain that private schools are worth the price. Are they really learning more at private? I am not so sure, and I won’t really know unless we make the switch. Current plan is to split the difference. Stick it out in public through elementary and transition to private for middle and high. This will reduce overall costs and help avoid some of the problems in our school system at the middle and high school levels.
Not that you need my approval, but I think your plan is a good one. You know your kids and your local schools better than anyone, but I think in most cases giving the public schools a go has many upsides and few downsides.
Bridget, You obviously care enough about your children’s education that no matter where they go, they will be successful. I will briefly describe our private school story. We had originally intended to send our eldest to the local public school. We went to the orientation. We discovered there were going to be 28 kindergartens in one smallish classroom. On a whim we checked out a couple of the local private schools. We chose one, and now we have two enrolled and plan to enroll the third when she is old enough. It’s a lot of money. About 22-25k/yr per child. Our life would be much different without the private schools, but once we started, we have never looked back. Despite what many think, for us, this is not necessarily about academics. Do our kids learn the same things as the kids in public school? Likely very similar. The third grader is learning her multiplication tables, 3 digit subtraction, division, etc. What sets the private school apart are the small class sizes and the individual attention given to our children. Every “report card” includes not just a table of all the essential skills, but also about a 1 page written description about our child’s personality, skills, weaknesses, friends, etc. I literally get tears in my eyes every time I read them. Their teachers have insights into our children even my wife and I do not know. In some ways their teachers every year know our kids better than both my wife and I do. There are so many life skills not captured in multiplication tables which they get at school. Are these taught at the local public school? Absolutely, but when you compare a class of 12 to a class of 28-32, there is no question our children will receive more individual time with the teacher. The small class sizes also means they spend less time in lectures, more time in group activities, less time in a chair and a desk, and more time outside playing. Furthermore, there are no rigid state imposed academic standards. Their peers in public school began taking standardized tests in 1st grade! There is no teaching to a test. There is teaching to each individual child. Also, despite rumors to the contrary, we have met some of the most amazing parents. There are very few arrogant, old money types chasing the joneses. While there are some extremely wealthy families, the vast majority of families are “working wealthy” like us…Doctors, lawyers, business owners etc. All of these parents have made a decision to give up something in their own life for their child’s education. They can “afford” the tuition, but only with some type of sacrifice. As such, there is a self selection bias of families who care deeply about education. And interestingly most of us parents don’t care about our kids being number one, going to Harvard, or making a perfect score on the SAT. Most of us parents at the school want our children to be the best possible person they can be in life, whatever that may be for each individual child. This is obviously possible at a public school, but the chances of some type of failure in that realm are higher when class sizes are much larger. Finally, we as parents have a great deal of say in the direction of the school. There is no local board to contend with and no national union making decisions over our heads. I can call the head of the school or directly speak to the board of directors whenever I want. Will I retire at 50. No way. At 60? Likely not. 65…hopefully…LOL. Will that be difficult when I get on WCI and see the stories of people who retired early and are traveling the world? Sure. But what ultimately do I work for? Myself, or my wife and children. That’s an easy answer. In my mind, there is nothing more important than the emotional development of our children. If there is anything that can increase the chances of success in that AND It is something we can reasonably afford…this is money well spent.
Again, I would never judge anyone not making the same decision. It can be a real PITA seeing that massive auto pay coming out of our account every month, and not everyone will come to the same conclusion, but we have really come to love our school.
If your kids are brainiacs like our three were then it doesn’t matter how you school them, private, home, public, whatever. Kids that are gifted at classroom learning are going to get preferential treatment by any school they attend. Teachers like them more and feel like they are accomplishing more with them. We never paid a penny in tuition and later in college also never paid for tuition, books, fees or room and board for any of them. The state university was desparate for elite students to help their ratings so it was all free. They tutored kids from private schools and public schools in college. But they were naturally inclined to thrive in a classroom situation having, a great deal of focus and patience. That’s just not the way most kids are. I’d never judge another parent for their choices, save obvious mistreatment. You just make the best choices you feel are right. We never doubted public schools were just right for our kids, partly because my wife was in the public school system as a teacher and later as a volunteer and that enabled her to hand pick our kids’ teachers most years. Having a stay at home spouse, I believe, was one reason our kids developed the love of learning they still possess. But again, I was a high earner and we could afford a single salary lifestyle, plus we didn’t have to spend that $500,000 you spent on education in our case. But what worked for us is very specific to who we are and who our kids were.
We definitely benefited from this. Turned out so long as there were advanced classes on offer in public school we only need worry about fighting (and we addressed that early on- our kids being the culprits- with unbearable “essays for Mom/Dad” explaining why they must never repeat various crimes like lending money or slapping a classmate). From then on since my kids were polite and outsiders as super smart and new to area they avoided the fights more confrontational neighbor kids ran into and presumably wouldn’t’ve happened at a private school if only because the parents were all a certain level of strictness/ socioeconomic class.
We hadn’t done enough to protect them from the vagaries of teen romance etc. in my opinion- but that would’ve been just as bad at the local (Southern) private schools religious or not. My feminism and hyper(vigilance? Trust no one) concern over chaperoning (pity our poor exchange student used to training all over Europe- I only let her ride with ONE teen driver the whole year) and our involvement with our kids compared to frankly the laissez-faire attitude of some in the area, buffered against some of the risks we have witnessed here.
I also think the tougher competition at the private school might’ve led to my daughters’ accomplishments being downplayed vs better or near as good boys (our pair stood out so much at their school that their gender was actually ignored). I interview(ed) for my college and the applicants including those from all the local private and public schools were more prepared for college due to their parents than due to their school.
I was actually pretty impressed with the South Alabama teachers who would accept that what my kid said was correct- history teacher who she corrected with print outs from news sources online about a falsehood on a Dem president LOL, a young math teacher who did a problem and ASKED HER “IS THAT RIGHT, JENN’S KID?”. Especially having survived a number of misogynist possibly jealous of my smarts math and science teachers myself. Ran into a (grade school) sub who bullied my youngest for saying we’re descended from monkeys (“who agrees with ME that God made you, and Jenn’s kid is wrong?”) and the principal assured me this was addressed when I complained about it (and whatever was done no more reports of that sub being there). No guarantee that wouldn’t’ve happened (and perhaps been ignored) at the Jim Crow Academy.
Great post. Smartly written and with a touch of tongue-in-cheek humor. Nothing to add to the discussion here, just wanted to send my compliments.
Thank you Dr Smith!
Thanks for the great post. We’re a two-doc family (primary care and surgical subspecialist) who sent 3 kids to private school. The initial impetus for this decision was our oldest child’s experience in the public school system (grades 2-5). Despite its label as a “school of excellence”, the classes were 35-45 kids large, and TAG programs were basically filling out extra worksheets at home. The public school funding was so abysmal in his 2nd grade, the public school was going to close down the academic year in early April. This made national news, and Doonsebury did a series poking fun at the public school system in our area.
We haven’t regretted the private school decision, consciously choosing this over a new car every few years, putting off the house remodel for many years, and not having the beach house that we always wanted. We eventually did remodel, and we’re building our beach/retirement home, but it just couldn’t all happen at the same time.
I will also say that our small private schools were inundated during covid as the local school system did remote learning only formore than a year. Our school actually followed the science and cdc recommendations to the best of their ability and masked, screened in each morning, and enforced a quarantine of anybody exposed. This allowed them to be back in person after 3 months or so while the public schools all stayed home. It is very difficult to manage elementary kids at home for distance learning and there is no way they learn as much as if they had been physically in school.
We had the same experience. During 2020-21, our kids were at least partially in school while our local public school was entirely remote. I see a lot of kids in my practice who really suffered from extended periods of remote learning, and I really feel for them and their families. So for us that was a real blessing.
Interestingly, our school also had a huge influx of people from places like NYC and LA, who could afford to relocate and wanted a higher quality of life during COVID. These folks are, obviously, very wealthy and their presence changed the culture of the school – not always for the better. (I’m not bashing all rich people, I’m bashing people who move to a new area and assume that their presence will improve it. Rant over.)
Interesting topic, but I think would be better served with actual numbers and illustrations. What is the median range of private school tuition nowadays? How does this vary by region of the country?
There are so many variables (by town, by school, by type of school) that comparisons are meaningless. As you can tell just from reading the comments, there are private schools that cost a few thousand dollars a year and boarding schools that cost $75k. You can be pretty sure that if you are a physician you will not qualify for need-based aid, but other than that there is very little consistency across the huge spectrum of private schools.
I have a young baby who I plan on sending private from pre-K to 12. I am not necessarily optimistic for the future especially in the US. As inequality skyrockets, making sure your child ends up with every opportunity is increasingly important as the consequences of failing to develop a high-earning career become greater. In a country with socialized education and a real safety net maybe such a competitive mindset isn’t necessary, but here unfortunately I believe it is. To say that you can get just as good an education at a public school half-misses the point. I went to a public undergrad and then an Ivy med school and I saw how valuable the networks some of my privately educated med school classmates developed even in high school were. Maybe I’m just as insane as the “preppers” filling bunkers with food and ammo.
Thank you for the well-written post on the financial considerations of private education. You seem to be arguing cogently against your actual course of action. My guess is that for many of us the primary determinant of whether we send our kids to public school is whether we are public school products ourselves. Your private school background was ultimately a more powerful argument for you than your considered financial analysis. Maybe this reflects a need to feel that you are giving your children the same advantages you feel that a private school education gave you.
From my perspective it is a misperception that a private school education is necessary, or even beneficial, for success in life. There are of course many definitions of success and many avenues to reach it over a lifetime. WCI is aimed at helping physicians plan financially for an early and comfortable retirement, and perhaps this defines success for much of the WCI audience. As a radiologist who retired in the state of Washington 2 years ago at the age of 62 with a fairly comfortable retirement portfolio, I fit this definition of success. My wife and I are products of the public school systems in Upstate New York and western Pennsylvania. Our 3 children attended public schools in Idaho, Utah, and Washington. The quality of these schools varied widely but our kids gravitated to motivated, supportive, academically-oriented friends. Whether this was through good parenting or good luck it is an extremely important factor in any educational environment and is by no means guaranteed by virtue of a private education.
Because we could afford the expense, all 3 of our kids graduated from state universities in Washington, free of debt. Our oldest, a flaming liberal like the rest of the family, chose to join the Navy and go to medical school on a naval scholarship. After an OB internship at Balboa Naval Hospital in San Diego she went to Navy flight school in Pensacola and served out her military obligation as a flight surgeon, stationed primarily in Japan, with 2 tours aboard the USS Ronald Reagan. She is now in an OB/GYN residency at Brigham and Women’s hospital. As a result of taking the military route, she is not only debt-free but has a 6 figure Roth TSP account and GI Bill benefits that she can apply to her young daughter’s daycare expenses, while her med school peers are coming out of residencies facing $300,000 student loan debts.
You make the observation that “Private Preschool is a Gateway Drug” but seem not to appreciate its potency when you bemoan the fact that you have only saved enough in your kids’ 529 plans for 2 years of “private college” tuition, as if there is no other choice.
The point I’m trying to make I guess is that for you it’s not too late to kick the habit. There is enough in those 529s for your kids to attend U Maine or some other great and relatively inexpensive state school, with enough left over for your Mercedes. Maybe Jim Dahle can figure out how that’s a qualified educational expense.
I absolutely bemoan the potency of the gateway drug – that’s why I wrote this article. And in fact my oldest goes to UMaine, where he is thriving. It’s a great school and a bargain at $11,000 per year, although the difference isn’t going to a Mercedes – why would I want a Mercedes? Where would the sled dogs ride?
I am actually pretty anti-private school, in part as a result of my own experience. My husband is equally pro-private school (comes from a long line of private school teachers) and – well, life and marriage are complicated and our kids have stayed at private school. Long story and one I’m happy to share in person. Maybe we will meet at WCICon 2023 (no I’m not a paid shill). I want to hear more about your flight surgeon daughter :).
Do you think paid shills would work?
I’ll give it a shot.
“WCI is aimed at helping physicians plan financially for an early and comfortable retirement, and perhaps this defines success for much of the WCI audience.”
Absolutely not. That is the mission of The Physician on FIRE blog. This is our mission:
The Vision of The White Coat Investor
To serve as the most trusted, authoritative, and useful resource for financial information and services for doctors and other high earners.
Mission of The White Coat Investor
To strengthen and support The White Coat Investor community on the path to financial success by
Providing engaging, useful, and accurate content and
Connecting white coat investors with best-in-class financial resources
to empower the creation of meaningful personal and professional lives.
Nothing about early retirement there. Do we write about FIRE? Sure. Are many of our readers interested in FIRE? Sure. Am I FI? Absolutely. But that’s clearly not our main focus.
Nope. You can’t buy a car with your 529 dollars! At least not without paying penalties and taxes.
Wow, you guys keep a close eye on your comments! I’m sorry if I mis-characterized the WCI mission. I did define “early” as 62, which seems a little late for the FIRE folk.
But you’re welcome for the opportunity to remind us all of what you are about. Thanks for your good work.
Well sure, this week. Last week and next week I’m rafting though, so don’t expect me to watch nearly as closely!
I would worry about #3 the most. Many of my colleagues who have children in private school appear to live in a bubble. In this bubble, Teslas magically appear when high schoolers turn 16, iPhones are paramount when children turn 6, and regular vacations to high profile areas are necessary if you are going to take your kids to private school.
Even the thought of education being for a more “superior” person appears to be engrained into the children. At a play date, a child announced that she thought my child was “smart enough” to pass the test at her private elementary school. As if the only reason they are not in private school is because they couldn’t get in!
I ask these open ended questions to those with children in private school: how do you fight this? How does this comparison mentality (on top of hefty tuition) not interfere with retirement plans? How are you going to make sure your children don’t turn into privileged jerks?
Regards,
Psy-FI MD
I was trying to stay out of the weeds of the private vs public school culture, but since we are well into them by now, I’ll join. :). With the caveat that this behavior shows up at public schools in wealthy areas as well: I have absolutely witnessed the kind of behavior you are talking about, both when I was a student and now as my kids go through school. One of my high school classmates was given a Jaguar when she turned 16 – hard to see how that set her up for success later on.
How have we combatted this? well, you start by living your own values. No Jaguars around here, for anybody. Our parent-friends are all similar and share our values: lots of them are teachers, some have wealthy grandparents but are not wildly rich themselves, none of them live high on the hog. Our kids don’t get an allowance and have to work for spending money. As I write this, one of my kids is at his summer job hauling lobster traps. My husband and I try to express our gratitude for what we have regularly and in front of the kids. And my kids know that if they want to wind me up they just have to start talking about a wealthy dude and his mega-yacht, then sit back and watch the fireworks. Have we succeeded in raising grounded kids? I think so, but check back in 20 years.
There is nothing to fight because these are imagined caricatures of private school life. My kids best friends had parents who were middle school teachers worked at nonprofits, college professors etc. A few doctors, lawyers, engineers. Some successful small business people. None that I knew of were high level executives at giant firms or finance types.
I did not see a lot of conspicuous consumption.
Did you actually observe this? Or are you going with a fantasy made up by someone who had no idea what they were talking about?
Not only have I observed this growing up (family friends giving their children. BMWs), other parents with private school kids have told me of this.
It doesn’t appear to be all that imaginary a scenario.
But, as Margaret has pointed out…similar things might be observed in public schools in a wealthy school district.
I suspect there are many different varieties of both public and private schools.
The private schools that my kids attended had large variations in parental income. Quite a few students were children of teachers/admin at the school, many were the children of professionals (doctors/lawyers/business owners, etc.). Then there were the Fortune 500 company presidents and c-suite people, as well as the owners of the profession sports teams in our city. There were lots of Range Rovers, Mercedes, BMWs, Audis, and Teslas in the drop-off line, as well as our beat up old Subaru.