By Dr. James M. Dahle, WCI Founder
As a general rule, parents love their kids and would do anything for them. However, due to a lack of financial literacy, parents with fantastic intentions end up hurting their children. Here are some of the ways they do that.
#1 A Car
Now, I'm sure there are people who think it is a bad idea to give your kid a car because it will spoil them. That's not what I'm talking about. If you really want to spoil them, knock yourself out (actually we'll get to this under #6).
What I am talking about is giving your kid a car that isn't yet paid for. Yeah, some people do this. Can you believe it? They go down to the dealership, put down a $300 down payment, sign up for some payments, and then give you the car. Along with the responsibility to make the payments! Uhhh . . . thanks, Mom. I guess it could be worse. They could have signed you up for a lease.
#2 Whole Life Insurance
Another common situation is a parent who bought their kid a whole life insurance policy at birth. It would stand to reason that if you're buying baby food and life insurance from the same company, one of the two probably isn't a very good product.
Despite that, I keep running into people in their 20s and 30s who have just been given a whole life insurance policy and asked to take over the payments. Their parents have been making monthly payments on these for two or three decades, but the surrender value is only a four-figure amount at this point and the child is basically being asked to pay a two- or three-figure amount every month for the rest of their life.
It wasn't a good policy to start with. It doesn't address any financial need they actually have (because the face value is usually something like $20,000). And now they have no idea what to do with it, so they just start making the payments, too!
Incidentally, what they should do is surrender it; put the money toward their student loans; thank their parents for their kind gift; and never, ever run the numbers on how much that gift could have been had it been invested aggressively in a 529.
#3 A Timeshare
Here's another one similar to the car. What a lot of people don't realize about timeshares is that the purchase price is really kind of like a down payment and the annual fee is a lot like the ongoing payments. It isn't unusual for the annual use fee to be 40% of the original purchase price, especially after a few years of inflation. The parents think they're giving the kids an asset, but, in reality, they're giving them a liability.
Now the kids feel like they have to vacation at that location (maybe even with the parents). They can't afford the annual fees. They can't sell the stupid thing for any reasonable price (and maybe can't even give it away). And they feel guilty about the whole thing. Thanks, Dad!
#4 Co-Sign on a Home
Lots of parents offer to co-sign on a home. That's very generous of them, although probably not that smart given that the kids can totally walk away from the house and the parents will be on the hook. I don't think it's a good idea. If the kid needs a co-signer, that's a sign that they're not yet financially ready to be buying the home in the first place. So, the parent is really enabling the kid to pick up a liability and live beyond their means.
#5 Parent PLUS Loans
I appreciate that parents want to help their children pay for college. I think it's great—unless they are borrowing to do it. I think if someone has to borrow to pay for an education, it should be the student. There are several reasons for this.
- If the student dies or is permanently disabled, the debt goes away.
- More importantly, the student is usually going to be more careful with her own money/debt than her parents' money/debt.
- Parent PLUS loans are often taken out after the child has maximized what they can borrow. So it means the family is REALLY living beyond their means with regard to an education.
- To make matters worse, many parents expect their kids to pay off the Parent PLUS loans, even though they do not legally have to do so. Giving your child a liability is not doing them a favor. Do you want to do your 17-year-old a favor? Help them choose a college that the family can afford.
In canyoneering and in life, it is easier to assist from above
#6 Champagne Taste on a Beer Budget
An even bigger liability is a child who does not have any idea how to earn, save, budget, and spend wisely. Stanley and Danko documented the serious adverse effects of “economic outpatient care” in their classic book The Millionaire Next Door.
If your children leave your house with the idea that most Americans go to private school, drive Audis (or at least a Tesla 3), shop at Whole Foods, and vacation in Fiji, you have done them a massive disservice. Maybe they will earn enough to maintain the lifestyle they have gotten used to, but I would expect a large percentage of the children of my readers will earn less than their parents did on an inflation-adjusted basis.
#7 Parental Financial Insecurity
All of the above are terrible gifts to give your children. However, I saved the worst one for last. Most of the above problems are solvable, some pretty darn easily (sell the car, surrender the whole life policy, etc.). That's not the case for this one.
I run into docs all the time who are flummoxed at how to take care of their parent who can't control their spending, who has no assets, who just got scammed, who wants to move in with them, who requests money from them, or who basically is in such terrible financial shape that their child lies awake at night worrying about them.
One of the most wonderful gifts our parents have given us is their own financial security. They're a blessing on our own financial lives instead of a drag. Many parents would do anything to help their children, but there is a reason you should prioritize retirement over saving for college.
Likewise, you should prioritize your own financial security at least equal to that of your children. Don't put that burden on your children, even if it is typical in your culture. It is far easier to lift someone from above than to push them from below. Assist your children from a position of strength.
What do you think? Are there any other terrible financial gifts that parents pass along to their kids? Comment below!
I can’t agree more with #7. I would have been incredibly grateful if my parents better managed their money, as their failure to do so kept my siblings up for many nights throughout our childhood. Perhaps there was an upside, as my brother started a business and hit 7 figures by 30, and I have done well financially since completing residency. Experiencing financial insecurity can make a very powerful impact on a person, and I would imagine is a strong motivator for many who lurk on this website.
Yeah, #7 really hit close to home for me. Both of my parents were horrible with money. It’s still pretty bad, and I’ve mentioned my father’s issues in the forum. It’s one thing to need your kids to take care of you due to health. It’s another to literally pass the buck to them because of poor choices
Another issues a lot of times is what parents fail to give, which is any exposure to money or finance while kids are growing up. The intention is usually pure in wanting to shield them from worrying about money but instead it creates a totally unrealistic and unhealthy relationship with money. I certainly experienced this.
Great post!
The Prudent Plastic Surgeon
Another bad gift to give your kids, whether while you are living or as part of an inheritance, is a house. The kid probably doesn’t want it and has to spend money first in order to sell it, and won’t get the tax benefits of tax-free appreciation that the parent would have gotten if they had sold it during his/her lifetime
wouldn’t they receive a stepped up tax basis so essentially tax free appreciation?
but what if they don’t want the house? what if there are siblings who now have to share the house? what if one wants to sell but the other wants to keep it? what if they can’t agree on a selling price. what a disaster!
You’re right! Basis would be value at time of death.
My kids save all their money from work or otherwise from age 12 to age 16 or 17. I match this money 100%. They buy their own car. I pay half the repairs until they graduate college.
The eldest bought a Honda CRV and drove it four years and the next bought a Honda Civic. She is still driving it four years later.
There have been repairs. So the eldest who was making $50K before COVID-19 leases now. She understands that $250 a month is the price of no repairs and no maintenance beyond oil changes. Of course, she could go lower and get a lease for as little as $180 for a tiny car, but there are trade offs on insurance and risk of injury.
Some of my affluent friends have always put their children in fairly new vehicles essentially making the argument that the newest vehicles have the best safety features, and putting your child in a 2001 to 2006 Honda is a risky proposition.
Another gift that my children have had is my own financial security. Both of my parents were broke much of the time and after my parents divorced we lost our house, and had to move into an apartment. Later, my mother remarried a loser and she lost much of her 401(k) savings and another house.
There was no money for braces, and no money for college, and sometimes little money in general. There were no family vacations. My mother took my money from my paper route at age twelve, for general expenses. I think having seen the general effects of bad financial management and poor planning lead to my success in those areas.
All of my children will have a debt free four year degree, and all will have had needed braces. They all went to private school, and are used to three family vacations a year. They all work as teenagers like I did, and they all drive old cars, like I did. But they also many things I did not have: family stability, married parents, Roth IRA’s, and no college debt as well as peace of mind as to the family finances.
My father (a nurse) died penniless on social security alone, and my mother (a nurse) lost two houses and had to work part time into her late 70’s to afford her duplex. My father told me: “Don’t end up like me.” I have endeavored to follow that advice and will retire from full time work at age 58 with no mortgage.
Parental insecurity with overpaying for a child’s education is a killer combination. I’m meeting a lot of parents who are doing everything they can to get their children into their dream college and in their dream careers. It’s a double whammy for the kid: they’re going to take on a lot of debt (frequently with a low income career) and Mom & Dad will need their financial support in retirement.
I’m extremely curious to see how higher ed shakes out after COVID. The expensive, in-person, private higher education experience (not higher ed in general) could become an optional, luxury good. If the degrees count the same at graduation, why pay four times as much?
Completely agree with parental financial responsibility. My parents never made much money, but they saved and invested well and that was never an issue before they passed away. I promise to carry on that non burden to my kids. Not teaching them the power of investing and starting early is a huge fail. Time in the market is so important as we doctors know.
I have a couple more. Nothing wrong with these if you can afford it (just like a car) and you teach your kid properly:
1) Traveling sports teams. You can spend over 5-figures per year in league fees, travel and supplemental private coaching if you are an “elite” player. Even so, most of those “elite” players won’t even get a scholarship at a decent college. I know a guy who sent his kid to lots of various national and international karate competitions (and winning) just to stop doing it once he got into college. I know another family do this with soccer only to have them make the high school “C” team at a mediocre school (state ranking wise). You can read how certain families will spend high 5-figures on ice-skating lessons and travel competitions and never make the Olympic team.
2) Private school. There are plenty of kids that go to great colleges if that’s what you want for your kid. I know kids in both and I don’t see much difference between a decent private school and an OK suburban public school that has all the typical advanced AP classes with a class size of around 500. The top 10% of any class of a large public school are certainly just as talented as the average good private school student. And those top 10% are the ones taking all the AP classes which are just as rigorous as the private school classes. And many of them go to some of the best colleges in the nation (some got supplemental tutoring/coaching but that’s far cheaper than private school). It’s true you don’t get as good small class instruction as a private school but I see that as good training for college since most colleges don’t baby-sit you with such attention and care.
There IS a difference between private schools and public schools. It just depends on what you are after for your kids. Unless you have attended a private school or sent your kids to a private school, you really don’t understand the difference. Some schools are simply better fits for some kids. One size does not fit all.
I think the answer on public vs. private schools depends on where you live, how you were brought up, and your child. If you have a difficult or special needs child a private school, where you essentially pay them to go the extra mile to educate and/or socialize your child, may be a good fit, assuming you are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. If your child is a kid who is self motivated and will end up in the top 5 percent of any class, it doesn’t matter where they go to school – they are going to be fine.
If you live in an area that has truly outstanding public schools, there is no good reason, other than your upbringing (“I went to private school, and look at how great I turned out, and on some level I will feel guilty if I don’t give my kid the same opportunity/advantage”) to send a kid to private school. If you live in an area where there are average or poor public schools, then of course private school is the way to go, again assuming you are fortunate enough to be able to afford it. I have sent my kids to both public and private schools, depending on where I lived.
Went to private Catholic grade school through 7th grade, then public school 8th grade. Public high school for first 2 years and Catholic high school for junior and senior years. Didn’t make any difference in math and science with teacher ability.
I agree that the “comp” teams are just a consumption item. If you can afford it, go for it. I also share your opinion on private vs a good public school. I haven’t lived everywhere though so I never really feel comfortable calling those who say “there are no good public schools in my area” liars. But I have yet to live somewhere that there wasn’t a reasonable public school option.
There are truly places with no good public school options. Take Baltimore City, for example, there have been simply no middle school options for years. There are 2 previously elite High Schools which might not be terrible but l am not sure what criteria are used for admission. Most parents just pay up for private schools or move to a suburban county if they can.
Sadly the South is a place with many crap public schools available in even good to live areas. And not all of the Jim Crow academies or other private schools are good alternatives even if the religious offerings or lack of diversity are not off putting. And with all daughters… aside from being lazy about having to drive the kids to school, and 12 years there costing about 4 years of private college tuition for the younger kid, their ‘math contest winners’ newspaper press pics were all males. My kids’ public schools didn’t have good PR so all we have are their oversized trophies. (The public schools aren’t great either but we found a few good math teachers. DIversity was pretty bad there too- our exurban school had, maybe, 2 Black and 3 Hispanic families total.)
I was one of those that had all the figure skating lessons and never went to the Olympics. But that was never the intention my family had a
Dream, sure but no the end game. It was a family activity (I have 4 sisters, we all skated). We got out of it —self discipline, travel, friends from around the country, time management , the satisfaction of seeing improvement with hard work at an age that financial reward wasn’t accessible, life isn’t always fair. My dad liked the idea of keeping us busy and out of trouble. I was able to utilize my skill to teach during college, which helped pay some bills. No , I didn’t come close to earning what was spent on me but my parents also enjoyed watching us skate. Earning a living for my life’s work from skating was specifically NOT the goal they had for me.
I’ve talked to parents who did the travel thing. Soccer, hockey. For most , it was for enjoyment. If college scholarship came of it, fine. Not necessarily the end game. But yes, some obsess. And it is very expensive. So, if you don’t have the money (and time) , don’t do it. But I feel the same way about having a dog— it can teach kids great things, but if you don’t have the time or the money ( or an honest conversation in how you will handle Vet bills in a crisis), don’t get one .
As for private vs public education— that is completely dependent on the school. But agree with the concept— don’t do it for status.
#5 is a tough one for lower middle class. I didn’t qualify for any financial aid yet my parents had zero money saved for college. I went to my flagship state university but I could only borrow $2-5K each year, which was maybe half tuition. I paid off every penny of the parent PLUS loan after graduation but without it, I would have been in a bad spot. Money I made during the semesters went toward living expenses, books, etc. I agree its not great for parents but there aren’t a lot of options.
To be fair, that was really your loan. I mean, you paid it off, no? But if they weren’t in a position to save anything for your college, they probably weren’t in a position to pay off that loan themselves.
I’m not disagreeing with point 5. But it’s worth pointing out if the parent dies or becomes disabled the loan gets forgiven and it’s probably much more likely for that to happen. My mom took out loans for my siblings and she since became disabled and the loan was forgiven. It was important that it wasn’t in my dads name at all so if parents are going to borrow i recommend doing borrow jointly. Also worth noting the forgiven amount is taxable income to the parents.
Kind of a “worst case” scenario. Not sure I’d rely on that as a big benefit! Surprised how much pushback I’m getting on this point in the comments actually. Seems so dumb for a parent who couldn’t save anything up for college for years to assume that something is now different and now they can afford not only afford to pay the cost of education, but also the cost of the interest on that purchase.
Great list! #1 and #6 are what I see all around me. And it’s tough. You can’t recreate the same scenarios under which you grew up. The best way is probably to teach them some financial responsibility and mindfulness that all of this (the big house, the vacations to gorgeous places) is not usual, it’s a rare privilege for all the work you’ve put in.
Best,
PFB
I agree with most of your points, but each child and family are different. We need to let our kids “earn” their success. We had a car available for our kids to use, but made it clear that it was the parents car: their use was dependent on good grades and behavior. Their “job” was to go to school and prepare for the future. We did not want grades to suffer so that jobs to pay for the car came first. The car was a basic newer model (but not a new prestige car) so it had air bags and other safety features. Our kids went to a public high school and were well prepared for college, both private and public, neither took AP courses but did take honor classes. We also made it clear that they were on a four year plan for undergraduate school, and needed to major in a subject that would give them employment skills that justified the cost of college. When I was in my 50’s I asked my mom when I would stop worrying about my kids, she said she would let me know…
I agree with most of the comments but one important element is missing. We always focus on these material aspects but it is important to give them human values of kindness, compassion, justice, thankfulness and gratitude: that is what will bring happiness and contentment in life, not their degrees, jobs and social standing.
Interestingly, those are the things that money can’t buy.
Very well said. Could not agree more. In our busy lives to climb the ladder of success a lot of us hope to buy our children’s love and affection as if it were a commodity. Quantity of time spent with them pays far more dividends in return than any material expenditure on them. Use the material aspect to teach responsibility.
Well, as they say, I have been there and done it, seen it all. Being a physician for the past 50 years, my late wife who was also a physician had excellent advice from our financial advisor when we started serious practice. We started saving from day one. Our children excelled in their studies. We continued to put away our savings and let it grow. Our daughter became one of the heads of the company where she could work from home. Our son became the President of a major financial firm after completing MBA, CFA, and CAIA. They have been taught to respect and be kind to others. Yes, we did make a few mistakes along the way of purchasing “whole life insurance” — a huge mistake. We also had disability insurance which was a great idea. They paid up after my wife was involved in a major car accident which stopped her from practicing medicine.
Overall I am extremely satisfied with our decisions and the path we chose. My only advice to others is to choose your financial advisor after you read through his/her achievements and what was done in the past years. Please do not fall for hyped up claims of high returns and never bargain for low commission fees. A honest advisor will charge you an honest fee which is well worth it.
The worst is: not allowing the kids to grow up. Paying their expenses in the late 20s, in the 30s, 40s, 50s, yes there are parents in their 80s paying the expenses for the 60-something children who have never grown up.
Agree with the cooment about the Timeshare if the kids are poor, but….
What DO you do with a Timeshare if you are not using it much anymore, if you don’t give it to the kids?
Lots of people actually pay money to get rid of their time share. Many are not assets, but liabilities. Go ahead, try to sell yours. You’ll be doing well to get dimes on the dollar.
Would love an article on these- what happens if one just abandons them? An aunt/uncle have one; we avoided that trap, but help their neighbors every few years meeting them there and renting neighboring condos.
I’m not even willing to buy a beach condo- with our hurricane season, what good is owning 1500′ square x 8′ tall space 9 floors above high tide level? And for the price of our sizable home/acreage 2 hours away…
I’m not sure you can really just “abandon” them. There are entire companies dedicated to helping you get out of them. Not sell them. Get out of them. At the lowest cost possible. Dave Ramsey has a sponsor that guarantees you won’t have to pay them if they can’t get rid of your time share. Amazing to think so many are worth less than nothing eh?
https://timeshareexitteam.com/
They claim there are 400+ timeshares listed for $1 on eBay.
We did buy Whole Life for our kids because we both have health issues since childhood and cannot get life insurance. We did not want our kids to face this issue.
How much whole life did you buy them? What fraction of their actual life insurance need will that cover?
A “Limited Pay’. Whole Life policy, where premiums are paid for 10, 15 or 20 years is a great gift. One of my daughters is thrilled to be driving the vehicle in which we brought her home after she was born. The devil is in the details, as is teaching humility and responsibility.
It’s a much better gift if you don’t force them into making the payments. Not sure I’d call it a “great gift” though until you run the numbers of how much more money it would be had it been placed into traditional investments or a 529 for two decades.
I agree with all those points and as a physician in my 50’s, I have taken a balanced approach:
1. My daughter never had her own car until she graduated from college. She always “borrowed” our car but we paid for her tuition to a private school so she would not end up with a $250k debt.
2. I bought her a 2 year used, $20k safe & reliable car after she graduated from college.
3. She is now going to a private medical school of which I am paying for 2/3 of tuition so that she will have a “reasonable” debt of about $75K when she finishes.
I think it is important to teach your kids some financial responsibility w/o overwhelming them with debt & hardship that could potentially distract them from their career goals.
I like the balanced approach.
I would add “the money is just always there”. Balance the checkbook. Include the kids in paying the bills. I understand that many make so much money that the money really is “just always there”. But that was not always our case. I scaled back my career as i did not want to outsource the care of our daughters. And I WANTED to be the major source of how they were raised. Financially, this was tough with a spouse who had a job loss. So the girls learned how to make lemonade from lemons. Our bottles and cans went toward going to a movie. (We didn’t have many of those as we saved money by drinking water). No cell phones until they needed them; no unlimited texting until it became routine part of the basic package.
Parents day at University of Michigan , I was pretty disgusted how administrators pushed the $$$cards that parents can just reload from home. Really?!?! What does that teach kids?
Teach your kids to grocery shop and cook for themselves. One of my daughters had a roommate who complained about being broke all the time yet this same person ate out all the time, while my daughter ate healthy meals she made herself. Both girls worked during college, one was an RA for 2 years, which paid for room/board.
And, no, not everybody has to go on spring break— certainly not on the parents dime.
I really wish they would teach financial literacy in high school, then again in college. Yes, it should come from home but from some of the stories up above, so many apparently had parents didn’t have it together themselves.
Be well everybody!
this would be a little late for me but good advice.
There’s a lot of good advice in this post and comments.
We had plenty of privilege growing up, but now I wish my parents had pushed me to work during high school, at least during summer vacations, rather than doing sports camps and “hanging out.”
It wasn’t until college, when I had some physically brutal summer jobs, that I understood why I was going to school and how to approach studying. By then I was having to play “catch up” academically. Going to an elite college may not be helpful if your grades are mediocre there.
5 and 7 hit home so hard for me. Not a doc, but am making 71k base out of school as an engineer. I live in a low cost of living midwestern state.
60k of student loans. Half is in parent plus loans that I am paying because my parents have lived their entire lives by the standard issue 100% incorrect middle class financial “advice”:
“Rent is throwing your money away” – Nope. Rent cheap and small and invest the rest if you’re single and young.
“My house is my best investment” – Nope. Your retirement accounts are.
“A college education is the key to success.” – For a chemical engineer with a full tuition scholarship at a cheap state school, probably. Not for an out of state art major going to Vanderbilt with 250k in student loan debt.
Another big point – let your kids be independent. I wasn’t even doing my own laundry when I went off to school. My lack of emotional maturity and study habits lost me a full tuition scholarship. Anyone with an IQ of 136 should not lose a scholarship due to lack of study habits. Biggest waste of my life.
Oh man, trying to figure out what to do with the whole life policies (yes, plural) my parents have gotten for me. I just got the info and there are FIVE. The cash value of the one that they’ve been paying since 2003 still has not broken even as far as I can tell (…almost there?). They are physicians who were totally sold the whole life line and without knowing a lot of detail, I think they have a lot of their own retirement money in whole life. I think they are financially fine and that while this wasn’t a great decision, it won’t sink them. But they continue to make the payments on all of these policies they’ve gotten for me (and I’m sure for my siblings), and I’m not sure if there’s a way to let them know that I don’t want them to put any more money in there for me. And with all of that coverage, it’s still only $300,000 accumulated death benefit which doesn’t come close what we would be looking to purchase at all for term life for me now that we’re having a kid. Not sure what to do!
Maybe they’re not fine if they also have negative returns over 17 years.
Be sure to thank them for their kind gift. If they’re paying on them, no big deal. If they’re asking you to pay on them, then I’d cash them out and use the money for something you actually need. The good news is there should be no tax hit for you since the value is still less than basis.
Ugh, good point… I think they bought some of their policies much longer ago, although I don’t know the details (afraid to ask). I think they also have a decent amount in mutual funds (albeit actively managed and high ERs – seriously, without this site and others like it I would be repeating a lot of their financial missteps! I’m grateful for the outside financial education I’ve gotten). They are both in their 70s now and in relatively good health, one of them is still working full time, and there’s a fair amount of value in their (paid-off) house. So I’m hopeful that whatever they’ve got stored up will be sufficient.
They haven’t asked me to pay on the policies (yet) – I guess I’ll just let it be for now. If I can come up with a tactful way to say it, I might suggest that I’d be happy to cancel the most recent policy (only 2 years old) and put the money they’re contributing towards term life instead. Frame it as protection for their future grandkid!
Thanks for your thoughts! Always so helpful. Even though my spouse and I are not high-income ourselves, we’ve been able to manage our money much better because of learning about all the principles you discuss.
Well, this is fun. I asked the NW Mutual agent to help get the policy beneficiary updated to my spouse, since I am not the owner on most of the policies. He’s taking this opportunity to upsell my parents on buying yet ANOTHER policy for me and e-mailed me asking for my sign-off. I just sent him a hopefully polite-sounding e-mail explaining that I don’t think this is a good financial move as what I need is a significant amount of term life, not another $50K death benefit, and that I would likely not continue paying on any policy they purchase for me at this point and turn over to me someday. I am almost 40 and as I mentioned, my spouse and I are not high-income professionals (at least while we have young kids, I don’t anticipate us breaking 100K in COMBINED household income since I will only be working part-time. ). I feel like the only even halfway-compelling arguments I’ve read about in the (many!) comments about WLI on this site is the idea that it might be useful tax protection/estate planning for truly high-income individuals. We are frugal and have both been good savers who were fortunate to get our educations debt-free, so we are in a good financial place, but I cannot envision a future where we have the kind of accumulated wealth that would necessitate this type of product.
Or should I just graciously thank my parents for the kind gift re: this newest policy the way I have for the rest??
Hard to say what the right thing to do is other than to be sure to say thanks to your parents. If you can talk them into a different gift that would be smarter financially that would be a good thing, but it’s hard to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Our situation is a case study. Three boys, two went to private universities (John Carroll, Kalamazoo College), one to Wayne State in Detroit. One played college football at Carroll with no scholarship and got a biology degree and a secondary ed degree and taught high school biology for 2 years and then went to med. school on his own dime. We paid for everything up to that point of med school. The second kid ran cross country in college, got 2 majors in biology and economics and then a masters in medical science and went ot dental school. We paid for everything up to dental school and room and board through dental school. Dental school and oral surgery residency was on his own dime. The third went to Wayne State, didn’t play a college sport and got an econ degree, the a civil engineering degree courtesy of the US Air Force. We paid for everything up to US Air Force and he has $125K in his bank account and no debt. The other 2 boys graduated from med and dental with 225K and 625K of debt respectively. Each kid got the same amount of money from us. The advice the two older brothers gave to their younger brother was get the best education you can for the least amount of money you can, no matter what! Private school is a definite over-rated luxury when it comes to value and time spent.