[Editor's Note: This is a guest post written by Liz, AKA Chief Mom Officer. She works full time in IT, is a mother of three boys, and writes over at Chief Mom Officer evenings and weekends. Her site is all about money (yours and your kids), work, and having frugal fun as a family. Her Breadwinning, Six Figure, Millionaire women series shares inspiring stories of women of all different ages, industries, and family configurations-including, of course, multiple physicians. She's always looking for more interviewees, so if you know any women that are the family breadwinner, a high-income earner, or high net worth be sure to drop her a note. I had the pleasure of meeting CMO at FinCon last October and I'm sure you'll enjoy her writing as much as I do. We have no financial relationship.]
I’ve been an avid fan of personal finance and investing ever since I first read The Wealthy Barber as a teenager. Ever since I’ve devoured every kind of media around personal finance – books, magazines, newspapers, podcasts, and blogs. One subject I always love to read about is how a “successful” person becomes such – and how wealthy people obtain, manage, and invest their money. After all, as they say, “success leaves clues” and I was interested in following those clues to become successful myself. Over time, as I read more, I would notice such stories were typically about people who were:
- Male
- Single, or had no children
- Owners of a business that earned millions of dollars each year
- Executives in a Fortune 100, 500, or 1000 company
- Famous in some way
I’ve spent the past year getting to know a different set of people. Moms who are the breadwinners in their family, who earn six figures, and/or are millionaires. These moms aren’t corporate execs, famous, or own a business that most of us can’t even imagine founding. There are plenty of other great places to go to find those stories.
This is a subject I’m very interested in, because I fit this description and frankly couldn’t find a lot of people (read: anyone) in my “real life” who was like myself. I started out making $22k per year, working full time and going to school full-time nights and weekends. I completed my MBA in evenings after work with two young children, through the near death of my husband from septic shock, and I’ve saved and invested since I was a teenager. Today I’m the breadwinner and sole income earner of my family, and I not only work a more than full time demanding job in IT managing $10 million in development for a large corporation, but I also run my website on the side.
I knew other regular moms like me were out there, and the best place to find them would be the internet. And find them I did.
Instead of being famous, they’re ordinary moms from every walk of life. Teachers. A retired police captain. A CPA. Moms working in finance. A woman who works in content design. And, of course, doctors. They are the breadwinners (and at times sole income earners) of their families, earn high incomes, they’re millionaires – sometimes one, two, or all three at once.
I’ve found that their success leaves clues, too. So today I’d like to share them with you.
Lessons From Everyday Breadwinning, Six Figure, Millionaire Moms
They’re Educated About Money
Almost all of the women I interviewed are interested in money, personal finance, and investing. Of course, they also agreed to be interviewed by someone that runs a personal finance and investing site, so my sample is likely biased. It could also be that when women earn high incomes, earn the most in the family, or have a high net worth they’re more inclined to want to be educated on how to best deploy their funds.
They Don’t Let Gender Issues Derail Them
Pretty much all the women I’ve talked with have experienced some kind of issue because they’re a woman, or sometimes specifically because they’re a mom. They’ve had others assume they must not want a more demanding job, to travel for work, more hours, or a higher-level position because they’re a mom. Or they’ve seen an “old boys club” in action at their workplace. But they don’t dwell on these issues, complain about them, or let the problems derail them from their goals. Instead they usually internally roll their eyes and just keep on going for what they ultimately want to achieve.
They Save, Regardless of Income Level
I’ve spoken with people that make lower incomes, and those that make hundreds of thousands each year. They all save quite a bit of what they make. Those that make very high incomes made saving and investing a habit when they were younger, earlier in their careers, or earning a lower income. Getting into the habit gave them the habits and experience to prepare for when they earned a higher income.
Money Is Genderless
Chief Mom Officer
Fortunately, money does not care about your gender. Instead, your money does what you direct it to do. If you direct it into a savings account, it will earn the same amount of interest as individuals of any other gender. Ditto for investing it into stocks, bonds, real estate, hedge funds, or any other sort of investment. If you take the time and effort to learn about wise financial decisions, and pull the trigger on appropriate investments, you will earn the same return as anyone else with the same investments. These women realize this, and educate themselves on investing so they can make significant returns on their money.
Their Tips for Financial and Career Success Are Basic – You Just Need to Do Them
Negotiate your salary. Don’t let others dictate your career, or hold you back. Learn good money habits early. Don’t be wasteful with your money. Spend more on things that are important to you. Don’t spend to keep up with the Jonses. They’re all the same tips we’ve heard time and time again, and they’re all true. Sometimes the issue isn’t trying to figure out what you need to do – the key is in actually doing it, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult.
They Don’t Give Up
Many of the women I’ve talked to have overcome a number of challenges to get where they are today. Some started out their adult lives broke, got an education, and worked their way to success in the corporate world. Others unexpectedly became single mothers but supported themselves and their children while building a career. I’ve talked with people who studied for and received advanced degrees while they were already a mom. One common pattern for all of them is that life threw a bunch of obstacles their way, but every time they were knocked down they got back up again. When life closed a door, they scrambled around to find that window. It was their never give up attitude that led to their eventual success.
They Find a Balance of Work and Life That Works for Them
Remember, these are all moms who are the family breadwinners or earn high incomes. Their families are very important to them, but so is their work. Over the course of their family lives they’ve found a balance that works for them, and that balance can shift over time. So often when we hear about “work-life balance” people are thinking of working less hours or taking a less demanding job to spend time with their children. Some of them decide to do that, but others ramp up their careers so their husbands can do more of the childcare. The amount of time and energy they dedicate to their careers can shift over time, with more time to family some years and more focus on career in others.
They’re All Unique, Yet All Alike
Even though there are some common patterns in their lives, they’re all unique people with their own stories to tell. Some journeys to success were more difficult than others. I’ve talked to new moms and moms who are now grandmothers. They come from all different walks of life, started in different situations, and had different careers. But they’re all successful, driven, knowledgeable, love their kids and are passionate about their careers. They do their best to balance work and life in a way that works for them, and that way is different for every person and every family.
You Can Do It Too
Reading all their different stories of success, one lesson comes through clearly. These are ordinary, everyday women you might overlook if you walk past them on the street, or in the office. They aren’t going to be bragging about all their successes-in fact you’d probably never know the struggles they’ve overcome to get where they are today if you didn’t ask. There isn’t something special or magical about what they’ve done. Hard work, time, determination, learning from others how to succeed at work and at your finances, saving and investing, and forging their own path were key to their success. And whatever your career and life situation, you can do it too.
In Conclusion
Talking to these moms has been inspiring to me, and I’ve learned so much from them. It was interesting how often I would see my own story, or my future, in what they had to tell me. Most of their tips for success apply equally to men, and to those without kids. If you would like to learn more about this subject, or read the interviews, you can find them on my site here. I hope you’ve enjoyed learning more about how they’ve achieved success in their finances, career, and family life.
Are there lessons you've learned that you would add to the list? Do you think there is something for everyone to learn from having the millionaire mom mindset? How have these women inspired you in your life? Join the discussion below!
Thanks for the post, CMO!
The best resident in my graduating class (my co-chief) is a wife, mother of two, and an unbelievably good doctor. She is hardworking, smart (read: crushes exams), and incredibly good clinically. I’d let her take care of anyone in my family. She got there through hard work and perseverance and now earns a substantial amount of money, while saving throughout the entire process. Women that do this are incredible to me, particularly when they do it through medical school and residency training.
Though I am a man, I am thankful to be surrounded by talented, creative, hardworking, and industrious women, including my wife. Thank you for sharing these women’s stories and giving examples for my two little girls to look up to!
TPP
That’s awesome TPP-I love hearing those kinds of stories. There are a lot of women-and moms-out there doing amazing things. I’m really greatful to have had the opportunity to learn from them, and share their stories to help inspire others.
I am one of the ladies interviewed by Liz. It was my first money interview. Things have really changed for the better for female docs. I will never forget my first weekend as a new attending encountering an older male doc walking around the OB/GYN doctors lounge in his boxers telling me he was calling the administrators to get me removed from the lounge. This is very funny now. I think women are prone to spend money on expensive clothing, shoes, and purses. This is another form of keeping up with Doctor Jones. I used to be guilty as well. Money is genderless. I recommend saving as much as you can in your 30s and when you get to my age you will be glad you did.
Great post Liz. For those that have not checked your your site, they certainly should.
That’s a crazy story Hatton. I must be a bit younger than you but can’t even imagine that kind of behavior in any professional environment. Sorry to hear it happened to to you and certainly glad that things are changing.
I didn’t know it was your first money interview Hatton1. I really enjoyed having the chance to tell your story. It’s a great one, and you have wonderful advice to share with others who want to head down a similar financial path as you. I’ll also always remember that you called my article on my husbands septic shock experience one of the best articles on having an emergency fund you ever read. It was a difficult article for me to write, but I thought it was important to show other young folks (I was 32 at the time) that yes, emergencies can happen to you, and yes, having money really does help. Thanks so much for doing the interview.
A couple of months back I had the pleasure of meeting Liz at a New York City meetup and couldn’t have been more impressed.
Her Chief Mom Officer title is a perfect fit as her confidence exudes an executive presence well balanced with humility.
She knows where she came from and knows where she is going. It is a pleasure to follow her.
Thanks Church, appreciate the kind words. It was great to meet you in NYC too!
I also had the opportunity to meet Liz a few months ago back in Boston. And a few days later in Dallas. This six-figure breadwinning Mom knows how to network! Great gal, too
And I believe it was two nights ago that I got to hang out with Church in New York City, raising a glass of Burial’s Gang of Blades among others.
I hope to see you both at FinCon in Orlando this fall.
Cheers!
-PoF
Orlando is going to be epic! I’m looking forward to it POF & it was great to meet you too. I was bummed I couldn’t make it to the NYC meetup this time, weeknights are tough due to that breadwinning six figure corporate worker thing. Maybe next time!
I am one of those women. First to go to college, graduated top of my class from a prestigious medical school, sole breadwinner, and run my own business doing eye surgery with 3 kids and a husband. The biggest challenge for me has been time management – how to get it all done and still feel like you’re a good doctor, mom, and wife without totally neglecting your own personal needs and not feeling guilty that you shorted your patients, husband, or kids. Any advice on this would be very welcome!
That’s me (except for the surgeon part, I’m in IT)! Mom of three, stay at home dad husband, sole breadwinner, work full time and run CMO on the side. And I hear you on the time management struggle – it’s something I’m always working on. All I can say is that you can do it all, but you can’t do it all at once. I’ve talked before on the site about ruthless prioritization – making sure you know what you’re prioritizing at a specific point in time, and letting go of the guilt of an unrealistic standard. My secret to doing it all is that I don’t do it all. There are times I focus on one thing more than another – like times I miss family events because I’m traveling for work, or times I go to family events at the expense of getting work done. There’s no perfect answer, but don’t be afraid to say “no”, and don’t hold yourself to an unrealistic standard of “perfect” mom/wife/doctor, because there’s no such thing. Always glad to meet another breadwinning mom!
I also enjoy your site and am a “breadwinner mom”, though more like 1/2 of a dual high income couple with a child, but in our relationship, I am more concerned about saving for the future and my partner lives more in the moment, so finances are a preoccupation for me, almost as a way of compensating. It’s so hard to “do it all” – I find myself wanting more family, personal and even community/volunteer time and less work time since reaching a basic level of financial independence.
It is hard to do it all, so I don’t even try. If you’ve reached some level of FI, are you able to cut back? Maybe you can leave more time for the “everything else” part of life and use less on the “work” part. Part of why I’m pursuing FI is so that I can eventually choose to have more flexibility and freedom of choice.
Yes, I can and probably will cut back soon. The same anxiety that got me to the point to be able to make this decision is also preventing me from making this decision. I’m thinking 2019 will be the year to try out a 75% schedule, and then I’ll keep reducing from there as much as my career will allow.
Hi Liz, Thanks for the post. I am always interested in money advice wherever I encounter it. But other than defining the demographic you want to engage, what do you really see as the differences between a dad as sole bread winner with stay at home wife with family, and a mom as sole bread winner with stay at home husband and family?
Not Liz, but I think the two major differences are
# 1 Cultural- Working moms, even sole breadwinners, are often expected to carry traditional female roles at home – cooking, cleaning, childraising,caring for relatives etc to a greater extent than a working dad despite the fact that they’re also the breadwinner.
# 2 Gender pay gaps- Due to gender pay gaps, the family has to make do on less income than if the roles were reversed.
The data I’ve seen says there is no pay gap for women in the same roles and same qualifications that do not take career breaks to raise a family. Hence, if Dad is stay at home, I think the pay should be equivalent. (Actually, at my Lab it is equivalent regardless of the family situation, but I don’t make the mistake of projecting that result on the rest of the economy.) I am willing to concede the cultural point, which may be a good reason for blogs like CMO; that is, to inspire her demographic, but I am really curious if she sees that it matters in money management.
The data I’ve seen shows that the gap is decreased when adjusted for part-time work and time out of the career, but does not disappear completely. Pay is also equivalent in my partnerships, military service, and residency, but it is not in many jobs out there.
And the reasons for that gap aren’t just sexism. It appears that women also choose flexibility over pay, probably mostly for cultural and family reasons: https://blog.capterra.com/gender-pay-gap-for-doctors/
It makes it really hard to study well when so many studies don’t adjust for part-time and career breaks though.
I have always thought that many of the pay discrepancies are that female physicians, attorneys, etc are more willing to sacrifice for family time early in their careers. It is a lifestyle choice and it would be more upsetting to limit choices than to equalize a perceived pay gap.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to take us down this path. I accept the pay gap is real. There are many reasons. Here is a recent study that accepts the gendered biases in society, then attempts to show why the gap persists in aggregate. Slightly different than Hatton1’s formulation, the authors attribute to the willingness of men to “overwork.” http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003122414528936
Just back to my original question for Liz: Does she find the actual advice needs to be different, given the family situation she describes ought to bring about reasonably equivalent pay results?
Right, I agree that is a big factor, but I’m referring to studies that controlled for that.
The JAMA Internal Medicine article was pretty good. I enjoyed it for the treatment of the data and the controls, although I’m not sure the conclusion is warranted. That is, transparency may achieve the results the authors advocate, but right now it is only an assertion without data. It would be interesting to see transparency tested. We have posted our diversity results and have proposed salary transparency at my Lab, but there is quite a bit of reluctance on the salary transparency and we have yet to pull the trigger.
Good question. I would say that a mom with a stay at home spouse is able to work her career in many of the ways that would reduce or eliminate some of the reasons for the gender pay gap. They don’t need to take time off work, take part-time work, down-shift their careers, or refuse opportunities with lots of travel. However, lots of breadwinning moms don’t have stay at home spouses. They simply outearn their spouse – sometimes by a little, sometimes by a lot.
Being the primary,or sole, female breadwinner brings with it cultural challenges. Such as being accepted by friends and family; or people thinking the male partner is a slacker/deadbeat/mooch/etc.. There are also some of the same challenges and stresses experienced by breadwinning or sole income earning men – stress at feeling stuck in a job they don’t like but can’t afford a lower-paying job with more flexibility, worrying about layoffs, and so it. But many women may not have had any role models they can ask for help – or they may not know other women in their lives in the same situation. In my real life I know exactly zero other women who have a stay at home dad spouse.
Does it matter when it comes to money management? Not necessarily. A dollar in VTSAX is a dollar in VTSAX, life insurance is life insurance, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man, woman, or purple zebra. I myself have learned a lot from many men over my financial life (mostly through books/blogs/podcasts). But I always enjoy finding a personal voice and story I resonate with. That’s why I read blogs and don’t just read academic material on investing and taxes.
Hope that answers your question.
Yes it does, thanks, and I wish you the very best in your mission. WCI educates docs; you educate working women… There is plenty of financial ignorance out there to be banished demographic by demographic.
Wow! You don’t know anyone else with a stay at home dad/spouse? I’ve got two partners in that situation. I think it’s pretty common in medicine.
I would disagree that insurance is the same for men and women. Life insurance is cheaper and disability insurance is more expensive for women.
Good points-I meant that the concepts of what makes a good insurance decision are the same. Cost & coverage needs may differ. And no, sadly I don’t know anyone like me in my day to day life. All my coworkers are two income couples or ones where the wife is a SAHM.
Great conversation here.
Gender pay gap? Call me a skeptic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcDrE5YvqTs
Thanks for trying, Toby. Your video is another example of YouTube’s creepy censorship by peak elitist Susan Wojcicki. YouTube has eliminated every video that challenges the gender pay gap farce.
Interesting video. The problem is where it starts from. You’ve got to start from a place where you’re controlling for part-time work, career breaks, college majors, and career choice. This video starts from “all men vs all women” which isn’t helpful. Granted, a lot of the political soundbites start from the same place, but they’re part of the problem too. Once you control for all that, you’re basically left with three factors, all of which are very real- # 1 women give up pay for flexibility more frequently than men, # 2 women don’t negotiate as frequently and aggressively as men (this phenomenon is very interesting to study and has a lot of cultural aspects to it) and # 3 sexism. But arguing sexism has zero effect on the pay gap? That doesn’t pass the sniff test.
As far as cultural issues go, I asked my soon-to-be husband to negotiate for paternity leave in his contract and he has been hesitant to even ask due to the perceived connotation that means he’s not working as hard as the other (in his group) mostly male doctors. We’re both high-income professionals.
In my office, if a female attorney gets pregnant it’s immediately asked if she’s going to keep working, whereas men are congratulated and perceived to work harder because they now have a family. I’ve also seen work taken away from women the minute the pregnancy is announced (even when they will still be in the office for another 4 months). In the legal profession, this can really affect earnings.
I’m not saying that women should have a victim mentality – it won’t do any good – but let’s also called a duck a duck when you see it. And start by questioning why everyone and my Mother assumes that I’m the one that will sacrifice career for a child when we both have high-income jobs (fwiw, I’m the one bringing greater assets to the marriage).
I just don’t think men stay up at night worrying how a baby will affect their career and cost them a lot of money in delayed partnership or lost client responsibilities, but perhaps I’m wrong.
Yes that is annoying. I know lots of women who have that assumption thrown on them, including me. People were asking me what kind of time I would be taking off work, and I would just look at them. I’m the one working, so I’m taking off what I get paid for disability and then I’m headed back to work. I do my best to break down those kinds of assumptions in my own work place-if not for myself, for other women who will come after me.
I agree that this “cultural” bias is there and have witnessed it first hand with fellow female colleagues, not to mention myself. So first off before I make this controversial point – I agree! But, think about where this bias comes from? How many women do you know that simply didn’t return from maternity leave after promising that they would? I know more than handful. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending this cultural bias. But I do ask a hard question – do we have ourselves (as in all women) to blame in part? I’ve worn the shoes of both a working mother/primary breadwinner and a corporate/business owner. Employees changing plans on a whim wreaks havoc on a business and impacts other people and stakeholders. So, my point is, we can’t just blame one side of the coin without addressing the other side. How about we educate fellow women to approach this situation with honesty and integrity. Because their short term play for an extra month of benefits, ends up costing the rest of us years or unfair decisions, cultural biases, and missed promotions.
Right – but why have you developed a negative bias only against women who leave after a maternity leave? I can’t even count the number of
Men who wait until 2 weeks after their substantial six-figure bonus to announce they are leaving in a week (and taking x clients with them). Or get a good offer to buy-in elsewhere and split midstream in one week’s notice. Yet, somehow, that’s seen as completely appropriate business decision and just looking out for him and his family.
Most women -particularly those who have devoted years to their career – I know genuinely want to keep working and plan to come back. Either health (unpredictable) or lack of any flexibility combined with cultural expectation prevents them. But then this stereotype exists they were just trying to game the system for leave (a benefit that they earned from years of working and that undoubtedly benefits their partner’s career).
Anytime someone points out the 2 women that have left in the last 5 years for family reasons, I point out the dozen men who left for money (after taking as much as they thought they’d earned, just like leave).
Completely agree – there are plenty of people (both men and women) that have left after getting promoted, taking clients, etc. Is it wrong, unethical? Absolutely. What if it’s done for a good reason (to provide for family)? Still wrong?
Does devoting years to one’s career justify breaking HR policies or gaming the system? Does it justify lying and betraying your co-workers’ trust?
At the end of the day, if a woman built significant capital at her company, I’m sure her company would do right by her. Communicate up front, about plans to not return to work, and more times than not, the company would gladly pay for benefits, sick pay, etc. during leave.
My bias is towards the ones that make promises and lie, while knowing from the beginning that they are not coming back. That happened enough times at my workplace, to where all the rest of us suffered by getting endless questions, and getting passed over for promotions during pregnancy and maternity leave.
Of course, every situation is different and every family and baby is different and presents unique challenges (health issues, unpredictable family situations). Please know, that is not what i’m talking about here. I’m talking about intentional and pre-meditated gaming.
To sum up: clearly, this cultural bias is wrong. I’ve been personally negatively affected by it. And as female executive, I have mentored many women, including working mothers, and put my own neck on the line by fighting for their promotions while they were pregnant/on leave and winning those fights to crush this bias.
No I think you’re exactly right. The issues you point out are the ones I mean by “cultural…”
So glad you put this summary article to get Liz. Like the Millionaire Next Door! Always enjoy reading your stuff so keep up the good work!
That’s exactly what I was going for! 🙂 I loved The Millionaire Next Door, and its lesser known cousin Millionaire Women Next Door. Those books and the others I’ve read that teach financial lessons using personal stories are one of the key reasons I started this series, and my site. I always found the stories to be the most inspiring.
Those are great books.
I was hooked by Liz when she mentioned the Wealthy Barber. I loved that book when it first came out. But Millionaire Next Door was a close second for motivation. I haven’t read Millionaire Women Next Door. Are their different lessons, or the same ones presented differently for a different audience?
Same lessons, different stories. The stories and situations of the people in the book were different enough between the two that I enjoyed both. Then again I just like to read – I also read The Millionaire Mind and Stop Acting Rich & Start Acting Like a Real Millionaire, even though honestly I didn’t get a lot of new info from them. But I did get them from the library so they didn’t cost me anything.
PS Wealthy Barber is still a great story, it’s just sad that it’s so terribly dated now.
Yep, just showing my age! When I gave my (now young adult) kids a money book for motivation it was Millionaire Next Door.
Ha I’m showing my age too, I read it as a teenager. When I mention it nowadays most people have no idea what it is. 🙁
Thanks for this post and for your website, which I’ve recently discovered. I’m not a physician, but I am a primary breadwinner mom, as was my mom before me (back when that was pretty rare). I only wish that my mom could have had the kind of support and guidance that breadwinning moms have access to today.
Thanks Frieda – so glad you found the site! I’m not a doc either (I work in IT), but I’ve found through these interviews that there are a lot of docs out there in the same situation as we are. I’m glad we can learn from each other and help each other out. 🙂
You go Girl! You found a niche that needs a voice for sure.
I love the story from Hatton1. I look forward to growing the power of women. Maybe they will get so powerful that they will walk around the doctor’s lounge in their underwear? Looking forward to it!
On a more serious note, we can’t have enough voices for women to become more engaged in financial issues. We need to hear from more role models too. Too many women tune out to their own detriment. They let a spouse take care of everything but they are really unprepared when there is a death or divorce. I couldn’t stand Suze Orman, but she did get a lot of women taking charge of their finances and that is great. I believe I read the majority of entering medical students are now female? If that is true, this will be an even more important niche going forward.
Thanks Wealthy Doc! I agree there are so many women out there that think “someone else” will take care of that money stuff, and they’re blindsided by death/divorce/illness/scams or other bad things. I feel strongly that all women, breadwinner or not, need to be well versed in all things financial. Knowing your net worth, where your money is going (and why), and whether you’re tracking to hit your financial goals is so important.
I have a friend who just lost her husband and I am finding out she is clueless about money. I am trying to respectfully help her. She had no clue as to the net worth number or her yearly income.
That’s so sad. It’s one of the lessons the hard way I learned when my husband was ill (not in terms of money, that was always me, but other things) – always know how to do the things your spouse does. I almost had a breakdown when I couldn’t figure out how to mow the lawn. I never had to do it before, and there was no one to show me how to do it.
Any advice on getting a spouse to be willing to learn about the money?
Start with the basics, and something that would be interesting to them. Don’t start with hard-core technical things. Maybe tell them stories you’ve heard/read about different money topics, and send them links to things they’d relate to. My husband was never very interested in money (certainly not the way I am), but he’s learned a lot over the years just from me talking to him & sending him things that resonated. Don’t start with something very dry and technical that might turn them off. Personal finance can be an interesting subject, even if it’s not that persons cup of tea. The reason there are so many personal finance basics books is that they’re all told a bit differently & resonate with different people.
I think I better start cooking more then. My kids say my “Gourmet Grilled Cheese Sandwiches” aren’t the same as when mom cooks.
Better schedule time to get in some cooking lessons then. Maybe at least you can learn make “Ultimate Gourmet Grilled Cheese” 🙂
The kids aren’t buying it even more, even when I use the garlic butter.
I’d be happy if we could get the administrators out of the doctor’s lounge, no matter what they’re wearing.
Being the first female surgeon at a hospital forces some big changes.
Thank you for the post. I will share with my wife and daughter.
Thanks G – I hope they enjoy.
Love this post, Liz, and love that this is great advice for anyone, even those of us who are single females instead of breadwinning moms. 🙂
Thanks Erin! I try to make sure the lessons I glean can apply to everyone, 🙂
A great post CMO, we need to start normalising high earning women. It’s great to see that their progress has been been unique but they demonstrate similar traits.
From your tips I think the fact that they don’t let gender issues derail them stands out. I also think it’s important for people in positions of power to advocate for others, and call out any injustices they see.
Yes I hate to hear women blame gender issues as a reason for their failure to achieve financial freedom. There are just too many of us now who have done it.
Yes, I agree it is possible for women, but you have to be very strong to get there. Without a doubt there are still a whole heap of barriers out there that men simply don’t face.
Agreed.
Thanks Ms. ZiYou – I agree.
“money does not care about your gender” may be true, but the gender does matter for earning the money in the first place. My personal opinion is that women don’t negotiate as much or for money (rather than vacation time due to perceived need to use for kids illness etc). Part of this is socialization. I’m in a dual high earning couple, I’m a physician and my husband not yet he’s the one who can’t cancel meeting etc when things go awry at home. The second issue is lack of pay transparancy across sectors, you only know how much you think you should get paid, not what the dude who got hired at the same time as you asked for and is getting paid.
I agree this is true of women as a whole – they are socialized less to negotiate aggressively – but not necessarily for individual women. I know plenty of amazing women negotiators. Personally I would have a big talk with my husband if he was expecting me to be the one always cancelling meetings/staying home/etc. when kids are sick or have appointments. If you’re both working, I would suggest you need to both be equal partners in taking care of those home issues. In most cases, a man can cancel a meeting/work from home just as easily as a woman can. We women shouldn’t accept that it always needs to be us making the sacrificing. I sure don’t.
I was pretty disappointed in a fellow female MC officer who would cancel her patients when her child was ill since her husband, an infantry commander, did not choose to do so. I understand he might jeopardize his promotion if he cancelled meetings with his superiors, but refusing to reschedule with his NCOs? Also a sign of ‘weakness’? Which would be good modeling for his soldiers! I valued patients over routine training, just me I guess?
Totally agree. I understand of course there will be some meetings or events that one spouse can’t miss on occasion-and as partners, that’s when the other spouse steps in. But if it’s always one partner doing the sacrificing, and the other never does, that’s when a discussion is needed. I work with plenty of men who come in late, work from home, or leave early to take care of something with their kids so their wives can stay at work for an important meeting/travel/event.
In our case it wasn’t always one doing the sacrificing, just both had important roles, neither of which was very flexible to cancel last minute. Mine was “cancel patients?” And his was “cancel this meeting with a Google exec? Or cancel 10 CEOs coming into town that I’m hosting?” a few occasions he offered to take the kid to the office and “figure it out”!?!? We used a nanny service for backup care briefly but didn’t like the variability and in the end got a full time nanny that drives, which is pretty costly in HCOL area but totally worth it for peace of mind for occasional sick kids and for when both spouses running late at end of the day.