Almost exactly nine months ago we ran a post about the COVID-19 pandemic. In that post, I explained why we were going to move forward with our “regular programming” during this unprecedented time. Since that time, I have really only mentioned the pandemic and its effects on my personal and professional life a few times on the podcast. That doesn't mean it hasn't had a dramatic effect on our lives.
Never been so happy to get jabbed.
Just for today, I wanted to pause our regular programming to give thanks for my early Christmas present. You see, two days ago, I received the first dose of the Pfizer/BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine. I received my vaccine on the same day as the Vice President of the United States, currently the highest-ranking non-immune member of the government, and days before President-elect Biden. What an immense privilege!
I cannot help but tear up as my heart swells with an immense sense of gratitude. Many times over the last nine months I have been thanked for my service on the front lines of the pandemic. I have even been offered discounts and free donuts. However, there is no better “thank you” than allowing health care workers to the front of the vaccine line.
To the American (Moderna) and German (Pfizer/BionNTech) people:
- Thank you for funding the effort to rapidly develop, test, and distribute this vaccine with your precious tax dollars.
- Thank you to the millions who continue to wait in line for their turn to receive the vaccine. It is rolling out at such lightning speed I've no doubt it won't be long before all who desire to receive it will have access.
To the research staff at Pfizer/BioNTech and similar companies:
- Thank you for your countless hours of hard work and overtime and for your dedication to your craft.
To the FDA:
- Thank you for approving an emergency use authorization.
To Congress and the Trump Administration officials:
- Thank you for prioritizing the pursuit of this miracle. I put developing and distributing an effective vaccine to a global pandemic in less than a year on par with sending people to the moon, building twenty B-24 bombers a day, and the Human Genome Project in terms of our greatest government-funded technological accomplishments.
To those who volunteered for the vaccine trials:
- Thank you. Especially for those of you in the placebo arm!
To our local government authorities, hospital administrators, and physician leaders:
- Thank you for getting us the training and information we needed, the PPE, the negative air pressure rooms, and the other physical plant and system improvements to maximize our safety.
To my co-workers:
- Thank you for showing up to fight alongside me, despite the personal risks.
What an incredible privilege to live in America at this time! To be in the first 0.01% on the planet to receive this protective vaccine! I cannot express in words how stoked I am.
I know many of you can relate to the anxiety I have felt as I prepared to go into the hospital for each shift for months. Every shift felt like it was my first shift as an attending. I washed my hands 85 times a day like I had OCD. I have been more conscious of what I touch than a third-year medical student on a surgery rotation. Like many of you, I stripped in the garage and dropped my clothes into the washing machine on the way to the shower, where I attempted to burn the virus off my skin and hair with water as hot as I could stand until the hot water heater gave out. While I knew I probably wouldn't have a severe case, I watched my residency-mate, the first doctor on the West Coast to get COVID, barely recover after weeks on ECMO. There are no guarantees. Our physician group refused to meet together in person in order to prevent an outbreak that would shut down the ED. I attempted to work with and communicate with patients through multiple layers of PPE, worrying the whole time it wasn't enough or that I would make a mistake doffing it that would lead to contamination. I held patients' hands and touched them at a time when none of their family or friends wanted to or could, or were even allowed to be in the hospital with them. I worried after encounters with patients I didn't expect to have COVID who later turned out to have it. Did I do everything right? Did I wipe that stethoscope?
I'm not normally a very anxious person, so it was unusual for me to lay awake at night with worry. Yet I did, many times. I thought there was no way I would ever be able to avoid getting COVID before a vaccine was made. I was skeptical that an effective vaccine to a coronavirus could even be made; it's never been done before. But mostly, I was worried I was going to bring it home and give it to family and friends. As the pandemic really hit Utah in the Fall, it all got worse.
In some ways, it was worse because of the guilt. You see, given our financially independent status, I didn't have to work in the emergency department. I could have quit and walked away rather than put my family, friends, and employees at risk. I wrestled with the ethical dilemmas. Did I have a higher duty to protect my family and employees who relied on me for their livelihood? Or did I have a higher duty to my patients as a physician? Was I noble, or just being selfish for continuing to go into the hospital?
Now, in the blink of an eye, I've gone from the most dangerous person in the neighborhood to be around to the safest!
We're not out of the woods yet. In fact, by any metric (case counts, hospitalizations, deaths) things are as bad as they have ever been. This vaccine, although very good, is not perfect. We should double down on our efforts to socially distance, wear masks, wash hands, and optimize medical care of the infected. It is a lot easier to make sacrifices when we know they are only temporary. We certainly need to encourage others to get the vaccine as soon as it is available. (No, I have no significant side effects, not even a strange desire to eat human flesh.) Many people will unfortunately still die before this pandemic ends and nobody wants to be the last person to die in a war. Getting sick and dying after a vaccine becomes available feels like fighting the Battle of New Orleans after the Treaty of Ghent.
However, at this point it is not just that we can see the light at the end of the tunnel; some of us have now passed through the tunnel and have come out the other side. The rest of us will soon follow. Life will gradually return to normal. We will be able to see our family members. We will be able to go to school, church, and live CME conferences without masks and actually be able to shake hands. Businesses will recover. Entire industries that have been smashed will be resurrected.
It is morning in America. Let the light shine throughout the land and across our borders to the rest of the world. Thank you and may we all be grateful this holiday season for our most recent miracle.
What do you think? Have you been vaccinated? What did it mean to you to get it? Comment below!
Thanks for what you do Jim, both in your medical job and in educating others about finance.
Thanks for this. Truly a miracle in technology, process, government and human goodness. A question though, even with the shot can you still be a carrier of the virus? Meaning do you still need to take all the PPE and cleaning precautions you have been taking to protect others until we all have the shot? I ask because I haven’t read much information on this. Thanks again. You provide a remarkable service, even for the non-docs on your list:)
We do not know for sure at this point if the vaccine prevents asymptotic infections because the primary endpoint of both the Pfizer and Moderna studies was symptomatic infections. Based on animal studies there is reason to think they would. In the moderna study they did as Pcr swab before the second dose and found that patients in the treatment arm had 1/3 the rate of asymptomatic infection than the placebo (even after one dose) but this data needs to be better flushed out. Hopefully we’ll have better data on this soon. Even though I got my first dose of the vaccine I’ll still be practicing the same masking for now.
I don’t think anyone knows this with absolute certainty. Certainly it stands to reason that I would be much less likely to be a carrier.
We’re all still wearing full PPE at work for several reasons:
1) Carrier possibility
2) I’m still not immune. It’s only been 2 days and it takes at least 4-8 to get an immune response.
3) I still haven’t had the second shot
4) The vaccination isn’t perfect. Even getting it doesn’t 100% prevent you from getting it yourself.
5) To be a good example to others.
Thank you, Jim, and all the other front line workers. You’ve all carried such great burdens and I’m immensely grateful for you. Myself and my immediate family have been so diligent about our social distancing and not contributing to the spread of this virus. We’ve felt scorn from some family members thinking we’re being silly when they “didn’t get that sick”. But we know this is the part we can do to help you. To keep people out of your ED and hospital. Congrats on getting the vaccine, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.
I’m in the Moderna trial! I was talking to my nurse and it seems like mostly healthcare workers signed up in our area. The whole anesthesiology group, ten general dentists, 3 orthodontists and a bunch of nurses is what she said.
Indeed. Thanks for your wonderful post of gratitude.
Thank you . I could not have stated this better. I am not a cryer but I had to hold back the tears after receiving the vaccine. It was like the throne room scene from Star Wars A New Hope. Like the evil empire was finally crumbling after nearly a year of fighting in the US epicenter New York.
Thank you for working SW into your comment. Seriously.
Great post Jim and sums up what so many of us have been feeling. As physicians, our next big task in this pandemic
is to help build public confidence in the vaccine and posts like this are a great way to do it.
I had to fight back tears as the vaccine hit my arm. Thanks for this post. Please everyone get the vaccine! It’s our only way out of this global catastrophe.
This was a wonderful post. I remember how I felt getting the H1N1 vaccine. I was pregnant with a one year old. I remember strapping him into his little car seat to go to the health department 45 minutes away in a new city listening intently to the GPS so I wouldn’t be late or miss my opportunity. I was fearful then for my unborn baby as well as myself and the current baby. Never imagined the fear and anxiety of this pandemic could ever eclipse what I felt back then.
Just yesterday I learned that a friend of mine has both parents intubated in the hospital at this very moment. Thank you for continuing to work! When you had the choice not to. Thank you for sharing your picture of being vaccinated! Thank you for reminding us of all the individuals and groups that made this possible. As a female black physician, so happy that Dr Fauci personally recognized Kizzy Corbett and all her contributions.
Great post Jim, albeit different then usual however much needed. I will be getting vaccine next week, and I am also a healthcare worker and although there is some trepidation I dont see a way out of this mess until we all just start getting the vaccine. I agree with others, this has been a moment of emotion which is the culmination of much stress over this last year that became second nature, and a cost of doing business of sorts of our job but has been no less significant and has clearly taken an emotional toll on us all in ways we may not be completely aware of. Heres to the start of the journey out the other side, of what has felt like a twilight zone for some time…
Thank you so much for this post. I’ve been struggling to find the appropriate words and you really gave voice to all that I’m feeling. My husband is a cardiac anesthesiologist who was finishing his fellowship in Boston when the pandemic hit. We went through many of the same emotions and decisions you beautifully capture above. He got his first shot yesterday and it was just the best feeling in the world to know that he walked through the fire, intubating countless COVID patients, and came out the other side. I feel so grateful, and yet so humbled and saddened by the sacrifice of so many healthcare workers who did not live to see this day. We owe it to them and to all those we’ve lost to keep masking, keep social distancing, and keep being vigilant until everyone who wants the vaccine can get it.
Jim,
Thanks for a wonderful post. I share your sense of gratitude for being able to roll up my sleeve and be vaccinated as one of the lucky 0.01% (staggering now that you put it that way).
Let’s hope and pray that the rest of our colleagues and our country is given and takes advantage of this opportunity.
Thanks Jim for everything you do! Appreciate the mention of all the good work those of us on the pharma side are doing in the pandemic. That’s been one of the toughest things to watch in the news – they seem to focus on all the weird stuff going on in the political arena, while we have what I truly believe is a modern-day Manhattan Project going on right under the media’s noses – and no one even notices!
I’d also want to give a shout out to the engineers and staff involved in COVID-related commercialization as well. Obviously coming up with the recipe to make the vaccine (and the recombinant antibodies) is a huge achievement, but figuring out how to make millions of doses of the stuff at factories all over the world – most of which we have never even seen before – in a just tiny fraction of the time it normally would be done, in a way where we have to be right every single time, is a huge achievement. Many of us have worked harder in the last 6-9 months than we have ever worked, but it’s definitely worth it to finally see the beginning of the end of this effort.
One thing I wanted to ask you – now that we have vaccines with very high efficacy, do you still see a role for recombinant antibodies as well? There’s a huge parallel effort going on in that space as well for which there has been no news at all, but it’s definitely happening at a breakneck pace. Do you think this is still something that can play a role in the response?
Ahhh…the Manhattan Project. A great comparison. Should have used that one too.
Yes, I think there will still be a role. It’s probably one of the best treatments. People are still going to get COVID even after herd immunity. We just need it to not be 100,000 people every day!
Prevention beats treatment, but treatment is great too! It’ll probably be a $5K+ drug though I would imagine. Much better to immunize 1000 than treat 1.
I fell ill with COVID 6 days after WCICON (convinced I contracted it at home, not in LV). I fortunately survived without any long-term effects. For the last nine months I’ve lived without fear, and tried to be understanding of those still at risk who are rightfully trying to avoid getting sick. But I really chafe at all of life’s restrictions. I’m happy to see a faint light at the end of the tunnel. I’m hopeful that all you who are getting vaccinated can now have the same feeling of invincibility.
Kind of jealous. That must have been hard to be so patient with the rest of us!
Thanks for your thoughts, Jim. I got my vaccine yesterday. I am relieved I will be able to do things, including seeing patients but also everyday things, without worry of either transmitting or catching the disease.
My reaction to COVID has not been overly emotional, it’s been more an acceptance that possible exposure comes with my role in life and is what I signed up for. I would contrast it to how I felt when I was in the military during the First Gulf War, when I was very worried and emotional about potentially leaving my young children behind. So I wonder if it’s partly where we are in life and what responsibilities we have outside medicine.
I can relate to being deployed to a war zone as well. A very uncomfortable anxiety. Luckily in my case, I only went to Qatar, a two hour flight from any real fighting, and so the anxiety quickly gave way to boredom.
Thanks so much Jim for expertly articulating in this
post what we all feel but could not have expressed as
well as you did. Great Job!
This was so well expressed. As someone who is is within just a few years of retirement and higher risk than you, I could financially walk away. However, I am the only person in my sub specialty in my geographic area so the bank balance has not given me the freedom to walk away.
I do not know when I will be vaccinated. The distribution in my state has been questionable. I hope it was just week one roll out. At this point, we have work at home health dept workers and some not even in healthcare who have been vaccinated while nurses full time in the Covid wing at the largest tertiary care facility have not. I am considering going back to the standards we used in April when deciding on appointments. The numbers here are bad. I keep thinking about those soldiers who have been killed after the peace treaty has already been signed.
Thank you for a great post. I am not a front-line physician but I was really grateful and emotional after receiving my first dose of the vaccine 2 days ago. I will continue all the protection measures carried so rigorously like you mentioned but I am hopeful this is the beginning of the end of this pandemia. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Thank you so very much.
What a great early Christmas present, and what a testament to the power of science!
I haven’t been vaccinated yet, but I expect to get my first shot in the next couple of weeks. After the second dose I’ll walk through the Covid wards with much less fear, but I really won’t rest easy until my parents have been vaccinated too.
Here’s to the beginning of the end of this pandemic.
well put Jim. haven’t gotten my dose yet, but then again I’m a neurologist, so lower priority for me. God bless you guys who actually put yourselves on the line during this pandemic. I was lucky as a neurologist to not have to directly care for, intubate, etc these covid patients. Unfortunately my wife being an anesthesiologist was much more stressful, and she too was relieved to receive the shot.
WCI,
Thank you for the post. You expressed all of the feelings, worries and fears we have all been experiencing.
Being from Alaska, I am sure you know the story of Balto and have read the children’s version to your kids. It is one of those enduring and inspiring stories which shows so much courage and grit on the part of many people involved along the way of the famous journey. Nobody gave up or walked away. Everyone pulled together in a selfless effort to help sick people.
In many ways, I see similarities in the development of the vaccine because of the sacrifice of many individuals involved.
Yes, there is indeed much to be thankful for during this Christmas season.
Oh yes. I’m actually kind of disappointed the Iditarod isn’t going to Nome this year! I think it turns around near Iditarod and finishes in Willow. That basically removes two of the three major obstacles in the race and doubles down on the first one as they’ll have to cross the Alaska Range going both ways.
I certainly agree with what you said above. I’m an otolaryngologist, and we are in a very difficult position as our examinations require removal or masks and examination of the highest risk areas. To say I’m relieved to have gotten the vaccine is an understatement. I copied and pasted my Facebook post about the moment below and some thoughts.
“Incredibly happy to have gotten my first of two covid shots today – first opportunity I could get . I feel the need to thank everyone who contributed to the basic research and clinical trials for this vaccine. To me, this is a monumental scientific achievement. Less than a year ago, we had never heard of this particular coronavirus. In January 2020, the genetic sequence was made available for the world, and the top scientists from around the world went to work. Today, I got my first shot, less than a year later. I would compare this to the moon landing as a generational achievement.
To my colleagues who are at greater risk than myself of contracting COVID, working with known positive patients every day, I salute your courage, dedication, and professionalism and hope this shot takes some burden off of you.
To my medical colleagues and nursing home residents and haven’t gotten it yet, know that help is coming!
To those who are afraid of the shot and have concerns regarding safety, please feel free to reach out to me. I’m happy to talk with anyone to go through specific concerns, will answer what I can, and hope I can allay any fears.
However, to those who think they are smarter than the experts who developed and are now promoting this vaccine, I have no kind words. Some of you are knowingly spreading false information to drum up fear for some personal or political gain. You know who you are – Shame on you!
For those who ardently believe the conspiracy theories proposed by those who know better (Bill Gates is behind this in an attempt to inject everyone with microchips, etc??), I ask you to take off your tin-foil hats and join civilized society. Having WiFi and the ability to browse the web does not make your opinion equivalent to the experts who have been doing this at the highest level for their whole lives – Dr Fauci literally wrote the book I used to study medicine back in 1996. The whole world has been put on hold and there’s only one way we get out of this – herd immunity. That happens through 70-80% of the population being immune. This vaccine will get us there.
Hundred of thousands have lost their LIFE to this disease, we all have experienced loss of LIBERTY as a result, and we are all hindered in our PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS by COVID. There is a reason we don’t see Polio anymore in the developed world, and that was arguably more scary than COVID – vaccines work! Please do your patriotic duty to help end this crisis. And when you get the shot, thank the person giving it you you, he/she may have been working hard to keep you and your family safe if you did get COVID.”
There’s one man you forgot to thank.
Um…no. Human beings (using SCIENCE) created, manufactured, distributed and injected the vaccine. Waiting for mine, hopefully this week, I volunteered to be the first employee in my LTC facility who gets it. We are all exhausted. Lost only 4 patients since March out of 428 which is remarkable (but had about 180 confirmed cases overall). Relying entirely on the vigilance, dedication and PPE and social distancing compliance of the 1200 employees where I work. Much love to my fellow health care workers. Here’s to a better 2021. And thanks, Jim, for helping us get our minds off COVID and keeping the focus on our financial well being during this horrible year.
Settle down you two. Science and religion are not mutually exclusive, nor will I allow you to debate the role of faith and deity here. Pray as if it all depends on God and work as if it all depends on you and it’ll all work out.
Thanks so much for the post Jim ,very well said and thanks for above it means a lot. I received my shot today and am very thankful to all mentioned above and feel blessed.
Well said, man. God bless frontline people like you, and god bless this wonderful USA.