I have a confession to make. I haven't written a post in weeks. I don't know how many. Three, four, maybe six. Not really sure. It's been a while. I know you probably haven't noticed because I schedule posts to run like clockwork, but I do most of my writing in bunches. I may feel particularly inspired and knock out a month's worth of posts in a given week. Over the years I've gradually gotten a few months ahead (which explains why you're reading a post written in June today), and every now and then I take advantage of that.
Pretending Retirement
The reason I haven't written a post in weeks is that my wife and I have been pretending we are retired. Financial independence and early retirement are pretty squishy subjects, but we're essentially financially independent now. It's a little odd because in order to really be at our “number” (which itself is pretty squishy) we'd have to sell WCI for its market value, and we're really not ready to do that. We could also just do minimal work on WCI and ride the residual income stream from it, but we're not really ready to do that either. But either of those options would mean financial independence for us at our current ridiculous level of spending.
Speaking of ridiculous spending, as we were sitting in our monthly budget meeting recently, Katie asked why I was giving her a hard time about a bunch of purchases and restaurant visits. Our monthly total number of transactions had once again reached an all-time high and we had blown through our allocated adjustable spending. I replied something to the effect that if our spending keeps inflating like that, then maybe we're not so financially independent. Her extremely valid reply was basically “Well duh. I wouldn't do that if we didn't have the money.” And since we DID have the money, it's pretty hard to complain.
Lots of good savers and financial advisors of good savers have said that it can be really hard to adjust from a lifetime of saving to a pattern of spending. I don't think we're going to have that problem, even if spending is the most painful for me of the four financial activities (Earn, Save/Invest, Spend, Give) I want to do well.
Lots of people look forward to retirement. When you ask them why it's often so they have more time to do their hobbies and to travel the world. We don't think you have to stop working to do either of those. Over the last couple of years, we've been gradually aligning our actual life with our ideal life. No surprise, this involves a fair amount of travel.
What Prevents Travel?
We have discovered that it is neither work nor money that keeps us from traveling as much as we'd like. I'm only working 12 ER shifts a month (leaving 18-19 days open since I've dropped the night shifts and no longer lose a couple of DOMA days a month) and WCI work can be done from anywhere on the globe with a cell phone connection. And we have plenty of income to pay for travel, at least if we fly coach and don't stay in penthouse suites.
What keeps us from traveling more is our children. So we donated them to Goodwill for the tax deduction.
Just kidding, at least about the donation part. And the tax deduction part. But those kids are a major drag on a hard-core travel schedule. Not only are they too young to do a lot of the adventure trips we'd like to do (and which we may be too old to do by the time the two-year-old is out of the house), but they have a really pesky work schedule–9-10 months a year, 5 days a week, 7 hours a day. If you try working a major travel schedule around that schedule, it means you'll only get trips during the summer, at Christmas, on Spring Break, and over a couple of long weekends. That's not exactly how we envision financial independence/early retirement. We're thinking more like 1-2 trips a month. Plus, those times when kids are out of school are highly competitive requested days off for a group of emergency docs. At best you're only going to get half of them if you want to keep your job.
Don't feel badly for them. We had a family backpacking trip and a road trip to Phoenix during Spring Break, will take a trip to Alaska and a trip to Japan this summer, anticipate a trip to Lake Powell this Fall, and haven't even thought about the holidays yet. They're not living a life of deprivation by any means. Their life is dramatically different from mine, given that I only left my state 3 times prior to going to college.
How We're Traveling
No big deal, right? We'll just leave the kids at home and go travel without them. As my little surprise getaway to Belize showed last year, that's harder to do than it looks. There's a lot of stuff that needs to get done around the house and our kids are involved in a lot of stuff. Who knew a toddler could be so time-consuming? Plus, our closest set of grandparents lives 3000 miles away. You can only ask busy siblings with multiple kids and neighbors to do so much. No way are we getting away once or twice a month together. Could we hire a nanny? Sure, but then comes up the philosophical question of why did we have all these kids if we didn't want to raise them? And just like nobody cares as much about how your money is managed as you, nobody cares how your children are raised as much as you do.
Our solution? We go on separate vacations. While we'd both rather go on trips with each other, that means going on a lot fewer trips. But think about the benefits of doing separate trips:
- We can do adventure trips that kids can't do.
- We can build important friendships, something that is particularly lacking among adult men in our society.
- Our kids are still raised by their parents, even if it is sometimes just one at a time.
- We can still do all the family and couple trips we would have been able to do anyway.
- Sending one person on vacation is dramatically cheaper than taking the whole family.
Recent Trips
The author on Mt. Rainier- A nap in the warm afternoon sun at high camp is a critical aspect of a successful summit bid the next morning
We've been doing this for years, but now are doing it with a lot more frequency. As I write this back in June, my wife is on day two of a 10 day trip to Sweden, Finland, Estonia, and St. Petersburg with a friend. Last week I was climbing Mt. Baker and Mt. Rainier. The week before that I was canyoneering with friends in Glen Canyon. 10 days before that, my wife did a ladies beach trip to California as a bit of a reunion with the friends she made while I was a resident. I was canyoneering in Southern Utah in the beginning half of that week, and the previous weekend she had led a ladies backpacking trip in Southern Utah. 6 trips in six weeks for a grand total of 31 days of “vacation.”
Has it been a little chaotic? Absolutely. Was it probably too much in too short of a time span? Yes, it was. But you live and learn and adjust as you go. We're still new to this retirement stuff; I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually.
What do you think? Why do you want to retire? Have you ever taken separate vacations? Why or why not? Comment below!
CHEAP housing in the NE I am paying 13.5k on a 400k condo!!!!!!!!
you mean mortgage or property taxes? Rural AL $1K prop. taxes (+$200 supplies expenses yearly per school student, + voluntary $50 or so annual fishfry donation to VFD) on 380K + 150K improvements 3 acre home. Roads 95% drivable, schools suck, emergency services very dicey mostly volunteer. (Haven’t needed them yet. Our plan for calling an ambulance: call 911, load and go in car if possible, stop/swap if they meet me before ER.)
Never got the idea of separate vacations NOR SEPARATE CHECKING/INVESTMENT ACCTS
Have been with wife every day for 44yrs, MY BEST FRIEND
My husband and I met in high school. We almost always take separate vacations, mostly so that I can go to writing conferences and he can ride his vintage motorcycle. We have completely different interests most of the time, and it’s healthy for us to give each other free reign and spell off on kid (and dog) duty. Every relationship is different, but this works for us.
One thing that alluded to but not clearly stated in your post: I think going on separate trips can be healthy psychologically for the individual and actually strengthen the relationship. Just the idea that you can go do something for yourself that your partner isn’t doing, guilt free, and maybe even something fancy or lavish, is a great way to avoid building resentment.
My wife is going with her mom and some close relatives for a weekend trip this weekend. Next month I’m going on a guys trip to Vegas w/a few really close friends from high school that I never get to see (one of who lives in California now). A trip to Vegas with my wife is fun (we did that last year, though she was unexpectedly pregnant, not known when we planned the trip), but that is NOTHING like a guys trip to Vegas. And that’s even with a PG-13 version of the trip planned.
We are making an effort to plan date nights with just us at home, but also to have some evenings to ourselves to go do things w/our own friends. Between work and kids activities and family stuff, that isn’t a lot of actual time, but it’s important.
We’ve recently reached a rough consensus that every year we’d like to do 1 nice trip as a family, 1 nice trip just us, and 1 where we go on our own. That excludes stuff like visiting family out of town or traveling to a conference, which I turn into vacations when possible (my wife and eldest son will be joining me in Utah for the WCI conference, I’ll be going to Toronto on my own for a conference in May). It also doesn’t count a yearly trip to a nice lake region nearby where we pull our oldest kid out of school for a few days and rent a cabin by a lake with my in-laws.
I know that’s not the 2 trips/month you are discussing, but it is plenty, and it’s a variety. I have an insane 4 year old (see this tweet: https://twitter.com/RogueDadMD/status/923179566847479809) and a 13 month old; taking multiple big trips with them each year simply would not be enjoyable.
Also as someone who has a dad who worked 6-7 days/week, and at age 70 still works more hours than most surgeons, I’m not hung up on having to be there for every “kid” thing. I’m present at far more than my dad was because my schedule means I’m at the hospital way less and working from home more (or not working).
However my 8 year old doesn’t really care if I’m at the soccer practice; he cares that I get him to practice on time.
Being present at the game or the play or the concert or whatever is more important; my dad always made time for those and still made time to take my siblings and I places without my mom (fishing, baseball games, etc).
So kudos to you for taking advantage of the FI portion of your life.
These comments are great. Seems lots of people struggle with the travel / kids balance issue, even the financially independent. My wife and I talked about our desire for travel when we first stared dating. It’s basically come to a grinding halt as we live 2000 miles from family for now.
I am intrigued by the separate vacation concept. We’ve discussed the idea and are both receptive but haven’t pulled the trigger with a toddler and 6 month old occupying our last 4 years. However, moving much closer to family would facilitate the separate vacation. I’m much more likely to accept all kid duties for a week if my mom is staying with or within an hour. Yes we will give up money by job changing, but that’s what financial independence is all about to me.
WCI I enjoyed your comments about the realities of extended travel with kids. It becomes just another place to live for the most part. I admit, it’s a romantic notion to pull the kids for months at a time, but the devil is certainly in the details with this one. My kids aren’t in school just yet. I think this year may be now or never, but I am optimistic a solution to the kids and travel dilema will present itself to my family, possible by keeping up with these great posts.
I can relate and separate is a great idea. Unfortunately I could not retire until I was older and then less physically able. It was always my intention to move to my vacation spot and live vacation every day. Still working on that, but hopefully soon. It sounds like the WCW is working on balance, which is the point.
I just read this. I just retired at 64 yrs old. Our daughter graduates med school next week and our son has 1 yr of college left. I pretty much took 1 week off a month while they were growing up and worked 3 day weeks. Usually we went skiing for Christmas and Spring break and summer was a 2-3 week family vacation. Our daughter is 6 yrs older then my son. When she was 8 yrs old the two of us flew to Maine and rented a Harley. We toured Nova Scotia and Maine. The next year we flew to Alaska and rented a motorcycle for a week. The next year we rode around California while my wife and son followed in a car. Then I built a two kid sidecar rig. When they were 12 and 6 we did a 4000 mile ride to Banff and back visiting Glacier and Yellowstone. As my daughter became older, I would travel with my son. My wife also let me have 30 days of traveling with my friends. This was usually 10 days of racing in Mexico, one week skiing with the guys, and a one week blues cruise. All high school and college graduations were followed with 3 week trips to Europe. With the kids in college we are traveling almost every month. My children love to travel and think nothing of going with friends to Europe for a week from California.