Stephen Ruisi
“I’m not supposed to be here.”
These six words capture my 16-year journey from insurance professional/evening law student to cancer patient to cancer survivor/full-time law student. As a two-time law student, I know the importance of citing one’s sources. So, credit belongs to Dante from the 1994 cult classic film Clerks as he constantly expressed his displeasure about being stuck at the Quick Stop convenience store for the entirety of his day off.
Stephen Ruisi
In my B.C. (before cancer) era, this phrase was simply something people uttered as a complaint. Upon being diagnosed with leukemia and entering my first hospitalization, these words expressed my fear, terror, and shock. However, as I re-entered law school in August 2022, this phrase became an expression of gratitude and motivation.
I was 29 when I was diagnosed with leukemia. I was finishing my second year as an evening law student. I was a full-time insurance professional and the new father of a 6-month-old son. My diagnosis came as I was preparing for finals. I sat through my exams while carrying the mental weight of the inherent uncertainty of a cancer diagnosis. Given my diagnosis, I was forced to withdraw from law school and take a leave of absence from my career. Worst of all, I had to relinquish the duties and joys of fatherhood with no guarantee that I would be able to return.
I first uttered Dante’s catchphrase when I entered the inpatient floor for the first time and was hit with the unmistakable smell common to oncology floors caused by the combination of cleaning solution, sanitizer, urine, and despair. What I was really saying was, “It’s not fair,” and, “Why me?” It wasn’t fair. I wasn’t supposed to be in a hospital with sick people. I had plans—a promotion, a high-profile and lucrative legal career, and a big house. But, as Mike Tyson once allegedly said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” While not a punch to the mouth, my diagnosis was a punch to some part of my anatomy.
My prior plan was irrelevant; my new plan was quite simple—don’t die. Instead of climbing the corporate ladder, I was lying on a stretcher in the radiology department awaiting my turn in the CT scan lineup.
Over a span of six months, I underwent multiple rounds of chemotherapy as well as a stem cell transplant. With the support of my family as well as excellent medical care, I prevailed in my battle with cancer. I was forced to continually exhibit courage and perseverance in the face of seemingly insurmountable adversity and uncertainty.
I gratefully entered my A.D. period (after diagnosis).
I returned to work on a part-time basis 11 months after my diagnosis but needed an additional six months to return to full-time employment. The rigors of my treatment and recovery made it ill-advised to return to being a full-time professional and part-time student. My responsibility to my family dictated that my priority be providing for their financial well-being. I focused my efforts on fatherhood and my career finding fulfillment and success in both endeavors.
Our family of three became a family of five.
As A.D. time progressed and my oncology adventure moved further away in the rearview mirror, I “grew up” as a parent and professional. However, my desire to return to school never wavered as I was determined to finish what I started. And through the support of my wife and children, I was fortunate to continue my journey toward achieving my legal degree. In August 2022, I resigned from my job and enrolled in the University of New Hampshire Franklin Pierce School of Law (UNH) on a full-time basis. Because my prior credits lapsed, I entered as a first-year student.
As I crossed the threshold of the law school, I thought to myself, “I’m not supposed to be here.” I was resuming my journey and embarking on a second chance. I was also carrying the support of my family and friends that made my victory over cancer possible. Rather than an expression of despair and fear, the phrase was a reminder of my battle to overcome cancer, and it became my motivation to succeed.
I received my first semester grades and found myself at the top of my class. I thought to myself, not bad for a guy who isn’t supposed to be here. “That’s how you law school!” exclaimed my younger son. I am now entering my third and final year of school with a cumulate GPA of 3.94 and the potential to graduate summa cum laude.
The financial reality of attending law school on a full-time basis was the single reason I delayed returning to school. While attending school part-time and continuing to work was an option, my prior experience illustrated the dangers of living in two worlds. While B.C., I was doing “OK” at work and school, but I was unable to achieve my best in either realm. Ensuring a successful transition to my second career in the A.D. world meant committing to school and “retiring” from insurance. My strong academic performance is directly attributable to my choice to be a full-time student.
After making the decision that returning to school full-time was necessary, my choice of school was determined by financial considerations. Taking out student loans would have incurred debt that was not sustainable in either the short or long term. I opted to attend UNH due to financial aid rather than paying the full cost of attending a top-30 law school. While attending the more prestigious school had the potential for greater postgraduate opportunities, attending UNH was the financially responsible decision. However, my grades have afforded me the same opportunities that would have been available had I attended the higher-ranked school.
Despite scholarship assistance from UNH, there is a considerable financial (and emotional) cost to my family. There remains a sizeable gap between my scholarship and the remaining tuition balance. To meet the difference, we have needed to usurp funds that had been earmarked for our children’s education. Their encouragement for me to return to school regardless of this financial impact is a testament to their support. Obtaining this scholarship will greatly ease this fiscal burden.
While I certainly never wished to endure cancer and chemotherapy, there is no denying that cancer gave me an education on human nature for which I am grateful. My oncology odyssey taught me courage, compassion, and humility. It was a harsh lesson in maintaining perspective. I have accepted that I am not supposed to be here. As a result, neither a sunrise nor a sunset goes by that I do not feel profoundly grateful for that day and for the love and support of my family.
In returning to school, I have modeled for my children the value of perseverance as well as the importance of fiscal discipline. In return, my wife and children have been the paradigm of selflessness. I am seeking this scholarship to “repay” their support.