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  • Avatar mapplebum 
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    Status: Spouse
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    Joined: 04/17/2018

    We’re in the hundreds of dollars a month group. Last February I admitted I wasn’t making any progress (getting fatter in fact) at my 24/hr gym. Found a coach and started working with him each week. At first it was having the 1:1 to learn power and olympic lifting. Now it’s my personality. I never lift as heavy as when I’m with him. He’s methodical and careful. It’s the external motivation I need. Besides that I almost exclusively do class based fitness. Sometimes I’ll join husband at his gym but not often.

    We love where we live but the winters are long and bitter. Since we both grew up in the south I don’t expect either of us will ever throw on some crampons and go for a run. We’ve lived here 6 years and this was the first winter I didn’t gain weight. Worth every penny.

    in reply to: Do you pay for exercise? #125526 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
    Participant
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 312
    Joined: 04/17/2018

    The basic fundamental of weight loss is CI/CO.  It’s that simple.  I literally ate like 500 calories a day for 2 weeks before my wedding and lost 20 lbs.  Is that sustainable or healthy, absolutely not, but it proves the point.

    Click to expand…

    Stories like this are actually an argument against CI/CO.  CI/CO means that you need a 3500 calorie deficit to lose a pound of fat.  So if you lost 20 lbs in 2 wks, that is saying you had a 5000 cal deficit per day.  Which means, by the CI/CO school, you were burning 5500 cal/day while eating 500.  Very unlikely.  More likely over half of that was water weight, and much of the rest was prob muscle.

    We look at studies of people eating a certain way and how much they lose while eating that way and then extrapolate from that WHY they lost the weight.  I think it’s pretty difficult to accurately determine on a cellular level what is really happening when you follow a certain diet.  Does the ketogenic diet work because of the hormonal effects of eating primarily fat?  Or does it work because there is only so much salmon, avocado, and eggs you can eat, so you naturally don’t eat the empty calories you are accustomed to eating?  I’ve been at a good weight for the past 15 years, but it still fluctuates at least 5 lbs in any given month depending on what I’m eating.  If I eat a lot of bread, I will be 5 lbs heavier.  If the next week I stop eating bread/pasta, I’m 5 lbs lighter almost overnight.  The 5 lbs is likely entirely water weight.  If I go out to eat and eat more than usual bread/salt, I wake up the next morning and look like I have 3 additional lbs just in my face, I’m like the Pillsbury doughboy.  Eat lots of vegetables and drink a lot of water that day and boom, 1-2 days later it’s gone.  It’s not like I burned 17500 calories that day to lose 5 lbs of weight.  IME, that’s a large part of the reason why it’s so easy to lose 10-20 lbs initially when you are significantly overweight and start to lose weight.  It’s mostly water and bloat.  You look and feel better, and it’s really motivating.  3 months in, when you really need to have a big calorie deficit each day to keep that weight loss going (and achieve actual fat loss), you plateau and unless you are really motivated AND have found a new lifestyle and support system that keeps you from going back to your old ways you either fail to make any true progress or regress.

    Click to expand…

    Stories like that have nothing to do with CI/CO and you went on to explain why but you missed some important information. I think you’re wrong when you said “when you really need to have a big calorie deficit each day to keep that weight loss going”. We know how many calories it takes to lose a pound of fat. That doesn’t change. It’s the same for a 200lb person as it is for a 400lb person. I think people see the initial 10-20lb weight loss in the first few weeks but they don’t attribute it to water loss. Once they reach a water equilibrium, that’s when the CI/CO comes into play. It still takes the same amount of calories to burn a pound of fat. The only problem is that they think they’ve made some huge change to their diet when in fact they likely haven’t (sure, they may be eating enough calories to maintain weight but not to lose weight), they’ve just changed some of the water weight so they get upset when they don’t lose any more weight. That’s while most health experts will recommend a loss of 0.5-1.0lb per week as a healthy weight loss. America wants results fast and they don’t want to work for it. It’s take a hell of a lot longer to burn 500 calories through exercise than it does to drink it through a Starbucks drink. Most people are reward-based when it comes to exercise. They think just because they walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes, they deserve that muffin. Well, they burned 200 calories walking but that muffin has 600 calories. From a calorie standpoint, they would have been better off just sitting in a chair and only eating half the muffin.

     

    People can satisfy themselves much quicker by eating that chocolate bar than they can with prolonged diet and exercise. America’s pastimes used to be playing outside, now it’s inside playing console/computer games and surfing social media. I always like to use my own anecdotal evidence of the people I know that lead a truly active lifestyle and none of those people are overweight. Of the overweight people who think they lead an active lifestyle, only a few actually do and they’ve been steadily losing weight.

     

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    I don’t see where I missed any important information.  I just didn’t feel like writing a book.  You say I’m wrong to say that you need to have a big calorie deficit daily to keep that weight loss going–I don’t think I’m wrong; perhaps we have differing opinions about what a big daily calorie deficit is.  If you are a small woman who only needs 1800 cal/day to maintain your weight, a 250 cal per day deficit is big.  Have you ever tried to eat 1500-1600 calories day in and day out?  It leaves little room for error in food choices if you don’t want to be a hangry monster.  It’s a bit different if you are a 6 foot tall man.

     

    Click to expand…

    1800 calories is what a 5’4″ 110lb (you can play around with the heights and weights) moderately active 40 year old woman needs to maintain her weight so I don’t think anyone would suggest that person is obese or even needs to lose weight. That BMI is on the very low end of what is considered healthy anyways! But to answer your other question, I don’t think a 14% calorie deficit is big and neither do nutritional experts.

    Click to expand…

    A 14% calorie deficit may not be “big” but it can be difficult to maintain for a small person.  Just like saving 20% is not difficult for someone making 300k/yr, but is much more difficult for someone making 50k a year.  The 300k/year person will argue that it should be easy–it’s only 10k, only 20%.  The 50k year person will say “but I want to occasionally go on vacation or buy something nice too, I have nothing leftover to save.”  For the person trying to maintain a calorie deficit or save money, it doesn’t really matter what “nutritional experts” or “financial experts” (or you or I ) think–it only matters if they can alter their thinking and habits to be able to make the necessary changes.

    I agree, the 5’4″ 110 lb woman doesn’t need to lose weight.  But the 5’4″ 200 lb woman does.  And to lose weight she will still need to eat in the 1800-2000 kcal/day range.  Once she gets down to 150 lbs, she will need to be eating more in the 1500-1700 kcal/day range.  She prob didn’t start out at moderately active, so she will have had to change her lifestyle all around, all while maintaining the willpower to keep on eating 1500-2000 kcal/day.  If she was once 200 lbs, she probably doesn’t naturally make healthy choices, so she had to make a big change to her life all around.  At 40 years old, her 200 lb self was probably surrounded by friends/family who liked to go out or have pizza/burgers/dessert on a regular basis.  There’s a good chance those family/friends don’t want to change their behavior just because she is trying to change hers.  I agree with many of your points above, but if you think it’s easy for this person to lose weight, I will disagree with you there.  Not that it can’t be done, but it will involve big behavioral and lifestyle changes that many people just can’t comprehend, even if they are second nature to those of us who have already made those changes, or grew up with that lifestyle.

    Click to expand…

    Totally. And very much agree there should be scaling of calories as you go down, it gets dumb at some point. I dont think the right way (in that does it work) to start with people at the 5’4″ 200 lb stage is instant caloric restriction and change. I think of it as examining your life, starting with small, tiny changes you can live with and once you got that and its no longer work to have that habit, add on from there. Sometimes its reducing, not eliminating bad choices. Less is always better, even if its not ideal. People need victories and to not feel like everything is taken away. Given enough time and building on those smaller victories, things can come together.

    Its really hard if people arent on the same page. I have a hard time if candy/sweets or stuff is around. I can avoid it for months, but if I have a little….I’ll have a lot. My solution is never have it around, I dont think about it. If my wife buys it because she isnt the same that way, its tough for me. It really is a life altering process. It doesnt and shouldnt happen overnight because thats just not going to work out long term.

    Click to expand…

    Interesting. What you’re talking about is abstaining vs. moderating. I wonder if it might be helpful to view weight issues as a lack of parameters. A lot of people, myself included, never learned rules or guidelines for when, what, and how much food to eat. If you’re naturally moderate maybe that won’t ever become an issue. If you’re prone to excess, then Cheetos morning noon and night. Disciplining myself has truly been a process of creating clear parameters I am not allowed to bend. Some people freak out if you tell them they can’t have a cookie. They have one and they’re happy. For people like you and me, one cookie therefore all cookies. I’m an abstainer. It far easier to cut out foods entirely than to moderate. Learning that about yourself and changing those habits takes a lot of time and attention.

     

    Click to expand…

    I think thats part of it. We’re all a bit different, so different techniques/lifestyles need to be around to fit different people. A lot of the weight context based on the past is sort of a parameter problem I suppose, its an interesting framework for sure. I like thresholds as well. Certain things are totally fine below/above a certain limit, once you get beyond that is when its trouble.

    Too tight of parameters or goals and you set yourself up for failure, no parameters and maybe you dont know where to begin. Basically every diet has parameters that are probably too tight to work long term. Whats for sure is there isnt just one way, and everyone should probably try to admit that the data we have on nutrition/diet in general is pretty terrible, theres lots we dont know deeply, and until we do, we can just go on what we got and look critically at any claims, especially those that purport to have the answer. Can you elaborate on the parameter idea?

    Maybe another parameter is how fast it should come off. We all want it now, and what I stress to pts to decrease feelings of failure and subsequent quitting altogether is its a very slow process if you want it to actually work longer than a couple months. We expect to lose too much too fast. Its neither healthy nor sustainable. You shouldnt have to think about it all day long after the first few months, its a process. Honestly I think theres a lot of guilt, bad self esteem etc…all obviously tied up in this and the first goal is to make it easy enough and seem doable so you can build up someones confidence in themself. The worst thing is to set some crazy weight goal per unit time or by an arbitrary date, thats recipe for failure and quitting altogether.

    Pay attention if you watch tv with commercials, the show content itself, radio, billboards, internet, etc…food is everywhere and thrust at you from every angle. This is not the environment of our ancestors. It takes effort to walk out side and not be struck by a foot long stuffed crust pizza and all you can refill soda. It seems as if push back on sugar is starting to work, which is great, just reducing it in the environment would do wonders.

    CI:CO is a truism, but its not enough. Our whole environment is set up for us to make terrible decisions automatically, just like spending. So you have to be intentional with what/how/when you make food/money decisions. Just because one thing is obviously true doesnt make the other behavioral part not important, only siths think otherwise.

    Click to expand…

    I’ve worked in a wide range of schools, from the “free lunch” population to private and everywhere in between. From what I’ve seen it’s no question that a person’s socioeconomic status determines not just education about nutrition but the day to day access to healthy/unhealthy foods. Private schools will do birthday parties and such but in rewarding students for good behavior, they have moved almost entirely away from food rewards. These kids are not accustomed to being handed treats throughout the day. When it happens it’s a big freaking deal. Parents and teachers are keeping a close eye on nutrition. Contrast that with an urban charter school. Bags of candy and chips twice the normal jumbo size are kept in the classroom. Treats are dispersed throughout the day for good behavior. Not only that, but a common punishment for bad behavior is not getting recess. These kids are pulled out of class to see an on-site dentist. They brag about cavities and carry sticky sweets in their pockets. I’m an overweight female but there are always a handful of third graders bigger than me.

    I know rapid weight gain happens, but it seems more often weight is gained slowly over decades. When a person wants to make a change they’re cutting at a lifetime of ingrained habits. It’s not just that crap food is everywhere, but there are a lot of crap diets and bad information. If you didn’t grow up in it, it’s very hard to know the difference. People don’t know that if you’re going to eat a loaded salad from MacDonalds you might as well have had a burger.

    So how do you teach parameters or systems of healthy eating? If anyone were to ask how to make a lifestyle switch (hint: they wont) I’d say for one month stay away from any product that has sugar/ sugar derivative / artificial sweetener in the list of ingredients. That way you know they’re not eating the protein bars with as much sugar as Snickers thinking they’ve made a good choice.

    in reply to: The Obesity Code #125040 Reply
    Liked by Zaphod, artemis
    Avatar mapplebum 
    Participant
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 312
    Joined: 04/17/2018

    The basic fundamental of weight loss is CI/CO.  It’s that simple.  I literally ate like 500 calories a day for 2 weeks before my wedding and lost 20 lbs.  Is that sustainable or healthy, absolutely not, but it proves the point.

    Click to expand…

    Stories like this are actually an argument against CI/CO.  CI/CO means that you need a 3500 calorie deficit to lose a pound of fat.  So if you lost 20 lbs in 2 wks, that is saying you had a 5000 cal deficit per day.  Which means, by the CI/CO school, you were burning 5500 cal/day while eating 500.  Very unlikely.  More likely over half of that was water weight, and much of the rest was prob muscle.

    We look at studies of people eating a certain way and how much they lose while eating that way and then extrapolate from that WHY they lost the weight.  I think it’s pretty difficult to accurately determine on a cellular level what is really happening when you follow a certain diet.  Does the ketogenic diet work because of the hormonal effects of eating primarily fat?  Or does it work because there is only so much salmon, avocado, and eggs you can eat, so you naturally don’t eat the empty calories you are accustomed to eating?  I’ve been at a good weight for the past 15 years, but it still fluctuates at least 5 lbs in any given month depending on what I’m eating.  If I eat a lot of bread, I will be 5 lbs heavier.  If the next week I stop eating bread/pasta, I’m 5 lbs lighter almost overnight.  The 5 lbs is likely entirely water weight.  If I go out to eat and eat more than usual bread/salt, I wake up the next morning and look like I have 3 additional lbs just in my face, I’m like the Pillsbury doughboy.  Eat lots of vegetables and drink a lot of water that day and boom, 1-2 days later it’s gone.  It’s not like I burned 17500 calories that day to lose 5 lbs of weight.  IME, that’s a large part of the reason why it’s so easy to lose 10-20 lbs initially when you are significantly overweight and start to lose weight.  It’s mostly water and bloat.  You look and feel better, and it’s really motivating.  3 months in, when you really need to have a big calorie deficit each day to keep that weight loss going (and achieve actual fat loss), you plateau and unless you are really motivated AND have found a new lifestyle and support system that keeps you from going back to your old ways you either fail to make any true progress or regress.

    Click to expand…

    Stories like that have nothing to do with CI/CO and you went on to explain why but you missed some important information. I think you’re wrong when you said “when you really need to have a big calorie deficit each day to keep that weight loss going”. We know how many calories it takes to lose a pound of fat. That doesn’t change. It’s the same for a 200lb person as it is for a 400lb person. I think people see the initial 10-20lb weight loss in the first few weeks but they don’t attribute it to water loss. Once they reach a water equilibrium, that’s when the CI/CO comes into play. It still takes the same amount of calories to burn a pound of fat. The only problem is that they think they’ve made some huge change to their diet when in fact they likely haven’t (sure, they may be eating enough calories to maintain weight but not to lose weight), they’ve just changed some of the water weight so they get upset when they don’t lose any more weight. That’s while most health experts will recommend a loss of 0.5-1.0lb per week as a healthy weight loss. America wants results fast and they don’t want to work for it. It’s take a hell of a lot longer to burn 500 calories through exercise than it does to drink it through a Starbucks drink. Most people are reward-based when it comes to exercise. They think just because they walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes, they deserve that muffin. Well, they burned 200 calories walking but that muffin has 600 calories. From a calorie standpoint, they would have been better off just sitting in a chair and only eating half the muffin.

     

    People can satisfy themselves much quicker by eating that chocolate bar than they can with prolonged diet and exercise. America’s pastimes used to be playing outside, now it’s inside playing console/computer games and surfing social media. I always like to use my own anecdotal evidence of the people I know that lead a truly active lifestyle and none of those people are overweight. Of the overweight people who think they lead an active lifestyle, only a few actually do and they’ve been steadily losing weight.

     

    Click to expand…

    I don’t see where I missed any important information.  I just didn’t feel like writing a book.  You say I’m wrong to say that you need to have a big calorie deficit daily to keep that weight loss going–I don’t think I’m wrong; perhaps we have differing opinions about what a big daily calorie deficit is.  If you are a small woman who only needs 1800 cal/day to maintain your weight, a 250 cal per day deficit is big.  Have you ever tried to eat 1500-1600 calories day in and day out?  It leaves little room for error in food choices if you don’t want to be a hangry monster.  It’s a bit different if you are a 6 foot tall man.

     

    Click to expand…

    1800 calories is what a 5’4″ 110lb (you can play around with the heights and weights) moderately active 40 year old woman needs to maintain her weight so I don’t think anyone would suggest that person is obese or even needs to lose weight. That BMI is on the very low end of what is considered healthy anyways! But to answer your other question, I don’t think a 14% calorie deficit is big and neither do nutritional experts.

    Click to expand…

    A 14% calorie deficit may not be “big” but it can be difficult to maintain for a small person.  Just like saving 20% is not difficult for someone making 300k/yr, but is much more difficult for someone making 50k a year.  The 300k/year person will argue that it should be easy–it’s only 10k, only 20%.  The 50k year person will say “but I want to occasionally go on vacation or buy something nice too, I have nothing leftover to save.”  For the person trying to maintain a calorie deficit or save money, it doesn’t really matter what “nutritional experts” or “financial experts” (or you or I ) think–it only matters if they can alter their thinking and habits to be able to make the necessary changes.

    I agree, the 5’4″ 110 lb woman doesn’t need to lose weight.  But the 5’4″ 200 lb woman does.  And to lose weight she will still need to eat in the 1800-2000 kcal/day range.  Once she gets down to 150 lbs, she will need to be eating more in the 1500-1700 kcal/day range.  She prob didn’t start out at moderately active, so she will have had to change her lifestyle all around, all while maintaining the willpower to keep on eating 1500-2000 kcal/day.  If she was once 200 lbs, she probably doesn’t naturally make healthy choices, so she had to make a big change to her life all around.  At 40 years old, her 200 lb self was probably surrounded by friends/family who liked to go out or have pizza/burgers/dessert on a regular basis.  There’s a good chance those family/friends don’t want to change their behavior just because she is trying to change hers.  I agree with many of your points above, but if you think it’s easy for this person to lose weight, I will disagree with you there.  Not that it can’t be done, but it will involve big behavioral and lifestyle changes that many people just can’t comprehend, even if they are second nature to those of us who have already made those changes, or grew up with that lifestyle.

    Click to expand…

    Totally. And very much agree there should be scaling of calories as you go down, it gets dumb at some point. I dont think the right way (in that does it work) to start with people at the 5’4″ 200 lb stage is instant caloric restriction and change. I think of it as examining your life, starting with small, tiny changes you can live with and once you got that and its no longer work to have that habit, add on from there. Sometimes its reducing, not eliminating bad choices. Less is always better, even if its not ideal. People need victories and to not feel like everything is taken away. Given enough time and building on those smaller victories, things can come together.

    Its really hard if people arent on the same page. I have a hard time if candy/sweets or stuff is around. I can avoid it for months, but if I have a little….I’ll have a lot. My solution is never have it around, I dont think about it. If my wife buys it because she isnt the same that way, its tough for me. It really is a life altering process. It doesnt and shouldnt happen overnight because thats just not going to work out long term.

    Click to expand…

    Interesting. What you’re talking about is abstaining vs. moderating. I wonder if it might be helpful to view weight issues as a lack of parameters. A lot of people, myself included, never learned rules or guidelines for when, what, and how much food to eat. If you’re naturally moderate maybe that won’t ever become an issue. If you’re prone to excess, then Cheetos morning noon and night. Disciplining myself has truly been a process of creating clear parameters I am not allowed to bend. Some people freak out if you tell them they can’t have a cookie. They have one and they’re happy. For people like you and me, one cookie therefore all cookies. I’m an abstainer. It far easier to cut out foods entirely than to moderate. Learning that about yourself and changing those habits takes a lot of time and attention.

     

    in reply to: The Obesity Code #124874 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    1. I don’t believe it’s correct to say all academic jobs are salary based. It depends on the institution and specialty. Some academic positions are 100% salary. Some surgical specialties share RVU with less productive faculty. Some follow the standard private practice model of 2 year salary, then base salary + RVU.

    in reply to: Physician Compensation Models – Resource? #124818 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    Congrats on finishing medical school! Are you moving for residency? If so, do you expect your wife will be able to immediately get a full time job? How’s cost of living? Do you have an emergency fund?

    If she makes good money and you already have savings disregard what I’m about to say.

    Remember in just a couple years you’re going to have to do another round of interviews for fellowship. I don’t know how competitive cardiology is, so if you can do 2-3 interviews, cool. In my husband’s specialty I had to prepare to be able to pay for at least 10 interviews. Applications alone were $1300 because he applied so widely. Another thing that helps to know going in is if your program covers licensing, exams, etc. It seemed like every year there was some expense his program didn’t cover. Last year it was $3600 for oral and written boards. Ouch. (Worst thing, if he’d waited until after training his employer would have reimbursed him!)

    So depending on your circumstance it might be worth assessing expenses for the coming years before you throw all that cash towards loans.

    in reply to: Windfall priorities #124735 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    And yes, I’m exercising. I swam in HS and discovered running in college. I finished my first marathon 3 weeks ago and have been running (what I consider) heavily for over 2 years now. (Two short runs of 4-6 miles and weekly long run of 7-13, more during marathon training). I do BodyPump 2x week. In general, I’m doing 5-7 hours of heavy exercise weekl

    If you like training, and need some specific help with meal / training plans look into RP-Renaissance Periodization.  It looks like some sales nonsense at a glance, it is very detailed and complex at first and requires some reading and study, but you can set up a plan to lose a pound a week consistently if you can follow it.  No gimmicks there.  Not easy but works well.  Opens a new door of info…

    https://renaissanceperiodization.com/wizard/

     

    Click to expand…

    Have you done RP? I wish I had a better idea about what’s on the templates. Might give it a try in a few months if it’s fairly specific in what to eat. I just don’t have the stomach for counting macros anymore.

    in reply to: The Obesity Code #124515 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    Chicken, yes, but “shopping the parameter” is very expensive. Rice is cheap but that’s an aisle food. (Here I go, bracing for the pile on from all you frugal dudes) –> the only grains I buy are my husband’s Wheaties. Shopping for two people who eat a basic Primal diet, non organic at a normal grocery store (not Aldi, not Whole Foods) I easily drop $200 on groceries. That’s for fresh meat, produce, a lot of frozen cauliflower, milk, cheese, eggs. Maybe some gin. Two cases of La Croix a week.

    Obesity is very much an economic issue. It’s not just price, but education and convenience.

    in reply to: The Obesity Code #124501 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    I’ve read a few compelling arguments towards the theory that chronic dieting lowers your BMR. Whereas at age 20 you could have lost weight at 1200-1500 calories / day at age 30 you’d need to eat, say, <1000 to lose. It makes perfect sense that our bodies will self regulate. If you’re continually in a caloric deficit your body will eventually adjust and lower calories expended. Especially as a female it’s pretty confusing to hear a professional say “calories in / calories out” and then “it’s harder to lose weight as you get older, your metabolism slows down.” —so is a calorie a calorie or not? I mean, at 20 I didn’t work out ever, and now I do all the time so you can’t say I’m more sedentary.

    As to the actual topic of this thread, I’ve practiced IF for a few years. The last 3 months I did IF + Keto. Felt incredible. I’m not weighing right now but I’m almost certain I didn’t lose fat. I did hit a big lift today so that was nice. Starting Monday I’ll try a new thing with a friend…sort of misunderstood what I agreed to but here goes…. 16/8 for 5 days, 24 / hr liquid, 24 / hr refuel.

     

    Personal opinion is fasting can be a beautiful expression of discipline and / or faith, and unless you’re eating in excess during your window you will naturally consume less. I certainly prefer it to the standard American “breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” My husband has always practiced hunger and since coming upon IF I do too.

    in reply to: The Obesity Code #124253 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    I’d go with the Corolla or Civic. How adept are you with winter driving? It’s the end of the day, you’re 30 miles from home and snow is coming down faster than they can plow. It might not happen that often in St. Louis but in a Versa you’ll be driving 40 MPH while trucks and SUVs are wizzing past you on the highway. I drove a Versa as a rental and for whatever reason it doesn’t feel as safe as my Honda Fit. Cars that size it’s not just weight but ground clearance.

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    Yeah totally. Seeing that it all comes out to basically the same cost, why not go with the better car. We’re really leaning towards a 2013-2015 Civic/Corolla on CarMax. I really like the fact that they have a 5-day cash-back warranty, so I have time to take it for an independent inspection.

    Miss out on the Autotrader haggling, but they’re pretty solid on no take-backs.

    Click to expand…

    Solid. There is an unbelievable difference between the Civic and Fit in winter driving. All weather tires make a huge difference but let’s just say with my vehicle I’ve had to embrace the slide. I live in a relatively analogous city to St. Louis, when it snows on the weekend they usually wait until Monday to plow the roads, and by no means early Monday morning. Loads of fun having a car with such low clearance you actually get stuck while driving 10MPH.

    in reply to: First car options as a resident #124145 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    I’d go with the Corolla or Civic. How adept are you with winter driving? It’s the end of the day, you’re 30 miles from home and snow is coming down faster than they can plow. It might not happen that often in St. Louis but in a Versa you’ll be driving 40 MPH while trucks and SUVs are wizzing past you on the highway. I drove a Versa as a rental and for whatever reason it doesn’t feel as safe as my Honda Fit. Cars that size it’s not just weight but ground clearance.

    in reply to: First car options as a resident #124140 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    I enjoy my interactions with some of my colleagues at work, but not to the extent that I want to see them outside of work, and not to the extent that I prefer going to work so I can see them.  I would rather stay home and never see them again.  In fact, I try not to socialize with people from work.  I see enough of them already.

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    Maybe this guy has already been shared but it’s pretty hilarious. “that’s not how this works, Susan.”  😆

    in reply to: Friends and the Workplace #123920 Reply
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    Avatar mapplebum 
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    WOW. I can’t believe I didn’t see this thread. I wish I had. We just went through this. Decided it would be petty to make my husband go another summer without AC, so we bought a VERY gently used Certified Pre-Owned Forester.

    Last night we were signing the paperwork and the dealer pitches the extended warranty– even though CPO warranties are 3 years. I have to be honest. I’m 31 and this was the first time I’ve purchased a car. At first I was confused because, why would he sell me a warranty when I already have one? Then there was the moment when he should have dropped it and didn’t. I thought, AH! The up-sell! I started gently saying “mehhh, I don’t think this is for us.” Turning to my husband who unfortunately looked like a dear in headlights. (Later he said he was considering buying one just to shut the guy up. GAH!) Each time I’d say no thank you the dealer would turn to the next cheaper warranty. Finally he was at the cheapest package and I said “you know, this monthly payment is already going to be a hit on our finances. I just don’t think we can afford anything else.” He stared at me and said “you can’t afford $30 more a month?” It was actually quite condescending. Now that I’m typing this I can’t believe how stupid he was trying to make me look. So that, what? My husband would swoop in as the practical man who knows what’s good for the family? Thankfully I kept looping a quote from someone on this page about how 99% of people who don’t buy cars in cash will end up spending more than they intended. No dude, just no.

    in reply to: Extended warranties for cars #123818 Reply
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    Avatar mapplebum 
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    Is anyone else concerned OP may have been eaten by one of those lake Gators?

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    I’m still worried about the suggestion she swim in that lake with her baby! Florida has enough stereotypes, we really shouldn’t encourage it.  😆

     

     

    in reply to: Children or no Children? #123471 Reply
    Avatar mapplebum 
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    This has been a fantastic read. I hope you’ll continue to update as things progress. The only comment I have is about responsibility and gender roles. It was sort of touched upon but not specifically. You mentioned a few times having to take on responsibility when your husband dropped the ball. He started the house remodel and you’re the one who followed through. I think that’s pretty typical in gender normative relationships. No matter how much of an egalitarian you thought your husband was we all revert back to our breeding. What kind of home did HE grow up in? Who did the housework? Cooking? Did his mom work? FT? That will speak volumes about the kind of father he will be and how much help you can expect. From where I’m sitting it doesn’t matter if you both have high powered jobs. Someone is going to have to call out of work when the child is sick. It’s usually the wife. Think about how many fathers you’ve seen split responsibility 50/50 let alone take on more than the mother. They’re few and far between. That’s why your husband left the decision up to you. It’s the unspoken expectation that when it comes to sacrifices you’ll make most of them.

    I feel you. As I approach mid thirties the narrative changes from “I’m not ready” to “am I willing to commit to never having this life experience?” Jury is still out. What I do know is if/when we have kids I can’t expect there to be a night and day reversal of marriage dynamics. It would be 80/20 if not 90/10. Heck, even that is optimistic. Since now it’s 99/1 I should probably keep expectations low. Not to say you or I shouldn’t have kids, but I’d rather be pleasantly surprised rather than shocked that my husband isn’t contributing when he hasn’t done his own laundry in half a decade.

    in reply to: Children or no Children? #122966 Reply
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    Avatar mapplebum 
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    I wasn’t around to see it but I am certain there was some artful manipulation. Hubby was graduating with a major that would ensure a life of poverty when his GF at the time sat him down and said he’d make a good physician. After some tears and navel gazing he added the premed track and fell into line. 4th gen doctor. Went to daddy’s alma mater. We met a couple months before he decided to also go into his dad’s specialty. Later at least he chose a different subspecialty. Biggest fear for awhile there was the gravitational pull to join the old man’s practice. All families have unspoken expectations but this family turns it into an art. Turned out fine in the end but man.

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