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What to do with spousal income?

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  • Avatar Panscan 
    Participant
    Status: Resident
    Posts: 1152
    Joined: 03/18/2017

    How in the world are these discussions indicative of a patriarchy when everyone says the decision is no different depending on spouses gender? It could be a high earning woman and a low earning man, vice versa, two women, two men. It doesn’t matter.

    If anything it’s sexist to assume the high earner is a guy. I love when the PC types blatantly reinforce the stereotypes they claim to dislike.

    Again, I have no idea how systemic bias is involved. Repeat after me, the concept is no different regardless of genders involved. When all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

    #227793 Reply
    Lordosis Lordosis 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 2179
    Joined: 02/11/2019

    @anne. I meant that as a joke/exaggeration. This seems to be a very pro rent group. Rarely does someone suggest buying. Hard to come across in text.

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #227794 Reply
    Liked by Craigy, Anne
    Avatar Tim 
    Participant
    Status: Accountant
    Posts: 3339
    Joined: 09/18/2018

    “Rarely does someone suggest buying, “unless one is planning on living there and settled in employment wise.
    Not unique to WCI.

    #227830 Reply
    Avatar spotty_dog 
    Participant
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 88
    Joined: 01/08/2016

    Again, I have no idea how systemic bias is involved. Repeat after me, the concept is no different regardless of genders involved. When all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

    Click to expand…

    LOL. The fun thing about being a grumpy late-thirties old lady is that I don’t really GAF what you fail to comprehend. It’s there and it’s as plain as the nose on your face, and if you don’t see it that’s your problem and a product of your worldview. It’s cool though. There’s plenty of you blindered single-track mind fellas out there, don’t feel alone!

    #227845 Reply
    Avatar AR 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 873
    Joined: 03/10/2016

    Again, I have no idea how systemic bias is involved. Repeat after me, the concept is no different regardless of genders involved. When all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

    Click to expand…

    LOL. The fun thing about being a grumpy late-thirties old lady is that I don’t really GAF what you fail to comprehend. It’s there and it’s as plain as the nose on your face, and if you don’t see it that’s your problem and a product of your worldview. It’s cool though. There’s plenty of you blindered single-track mind fellas out there, don’t feel alone!

    Click to expand…

    Part of the problem is that you’re just as “single-track” minded as you think he is.  And you’re not going to see your bias for the same reason you think he can’t see his.  It’s a bit of a conundrum.  And resolving it is generally going to take more than two people posting on a message board.  It’s not impossible, but it’s not likely either.

    #227848 Reply
    Avatar spotty_dog 
    Participant
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 88
    Joined: 01/08/2016

    Again, I have no idea how systemic bias is involved. Repeat after me, the concept is no different regardless of genders involved. When all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

    Click to expand…

    LOL. The fun thing about being a grumpy late-thirties old lady is that I don’t really GAF what you fail to comprehend. It’s there and it’s as plain as the nose on your face, and if you don’t see it that’s your problem and a product of your worldview. It’s cool though. There’s plenty of you blindered single-track mind fellas out there, don’t feel alone!

    Click to expand…

    Part of the problem is that you’re just as “single-track” minded as you think he is.  And you’re not going to see your bias for the same reason you think he can’t see his.  It’s a bit of a conundrum.  And resolving it is generally going to take more than two people posting on a message board.  It’s not impossible, but it’s not likely either.

    Click to expand…

    Yeeahh…and no. 🙂 I know that I have a completely different perspective than most of y’all about the value that *high-earning medical-career family-supporters who sometimes duck out on their household responsibilities* add to a family (avoiding trigger words here.) Nearly 15 years of that above-mentioned group, of seeing marriages succeed and fail, and seeing non-physician or lower-earning physician-spouses feeling more or less validated by their position in the family, will do that. And then, there’s the whole thing of living nearly 40 years in a female body and finally starting to see the patterns inherent in society. (I laugh at 20-year-old me who thought that because I was a student in a male-dominated field, in company with 50% of my class as women, that feminism wasn’t a thing.)

    I absolutely agree that there’s not a lot of hope for getting people with disparate lived experience to see perfectly eye to eye. I wouldn’t say that’s my purpose in sharing my own perspective here. That said, I feel like there’s a little bit of hope in making sure that the undervalued worldview occasionally makes itself known to exist — known to even *have* a perspective at all (which seems especially important in the face of evidence that this particular perspective has not been considered at all.) That’s just where I’m coming from. 🙂

    FTR, I’ve lived my entire married life under the conviction that my spouse works his ass off for the benefit of our family, and that we all reap that reward, and that part of reaping that reward is respecting the sacrifice by keeping the rest of our financial expectations in check and running the cost/benefit analysis on practically everything. And this works for us. But it works because it’s a choice on my part, as a full-grown woman and a partner in this endeavor. Anything less would be worth calling out as BS, as I’ve done here.

    …I remember a gal we heard from in the medspouse forums, who was so overwhelmed with how to support her wife, who was really kind of crap at getting her charting done and kept getting taken aside by her boss and reprimanded. They were in a tough place financially,  all while the at-home spouse was struggling to contribute non-financially to the household and not really trying to criticize her wife’s professional choices but also wanting to be able to give useful advice; but finding it wasn’t welcome because her wife was high-earning and she was unemployed at the time. Despite that they were both women, I call that an offshoot of patriarchy. Of societal roles predicated on entrenched male-female dynamics. If you call it something else, fight me. :p Or give me your opinion in a measured way, that’s cool too.

    #227851 Reply
    Avatar Panscan 
    Participant
    Status: Resident
    Posts: 1152
    Joined: 03/18/2017

    I’m not sure what is biased about recognizing that both men and women can make a lot of money and be in situations where they make a disparate amount compared to their spouse. Very interesting crowd.

    So it’s the patriarchy that makes someone struggle to approach their breadwinning spouse about how to do their job? No id call that logic. Just like the breadwinner might struggle to approach their homemaking spouse about how to do their job…. Again there’s no bias here it’s all just logical consistency.

    #227876 Reply
    Liked by ZZZ

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