Ladies – Help!

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  • jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
    Status: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business Owner
    Posts: 8137
    Joined: 01/09/2016

    Coupons for massage, facials, pedis, whatever she wants – you can probably get a nice-sized gift certificate from a medical spa and write a very sweet message (that’s what really matters, fwiw, and is priceless) saying how much she means to you, why you want her to have these special private times, and how you can hardly wait to take care of your children and spend special “daddy” time with them (I’m assuming you are a guy, of course, but this applies for any birth mommy!) and whisper to them what a special mommy they have and how privileged you all are to have her as their mother.

    Make clear that she DOES NOT need to arrange a sitter – if that will be necessary due to your schedule (quite understandable), then you will handle it.

    I’m just writing the spirit of the message, of course – please use your own words.

    That would have meant so much to me 36 and 39 years ago. I don’t think it changes with time. DO NOT forget the handwritten message. She will keep it forever.

    I admire you so very much for this post. Blessings and hugs to your family as you count down the days and hours over the next few weeks.

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~ ~ [email protected]

    #236686 Reply
    Avatar MrsIMDoc 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 224
    Joined: 01/09/2016

    Agree with above – hire help.  Housecleaner, mothers helper, etc. Ask what she would like.  Pregnant with my second and would really like a chore person to come 3/week to help with laundry and meal prep.

    Also not sure about your family dynamics but manage your family (her in laws).  She should not have to host anyone or feel uncomfortable in her home.  Big complaint among moms in moms groups.

    #236721 Reply
    Liked by tylerjw12, Zaphod, AZPT
    Avatar CECRNA 
    Status: Advanced Practice Provider
    Posts: 44
    Joined: 02/03/2019

    Spa gift certificate is a hit as a push present. If she likes makeup, a Sephora or ULTA gift card with a nice note will work too. Personally, I wouldn’t want a house cleaning service; I’ll prefer a gift just for me…I know that sounds selfish. Afterall, isn’t it called a push present?

    #236724 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar treesrock 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 336
    Joined: 08/14/2017

    Man you guys are cheap as hell! Hahahaha

    Our first was a little girl born in June, so the present was a nice pearl bracelet (June’s birthstone) that my DW can wear and hopefully pass down to the little one in the future. And yea, part of the bracelet is blue.

    Sure, it’s unnecessary, but it was fun for us to go out shopping when the little one was only a few weeks old as one of our first “outings” with the child.

    And all this other stuff, coupons for massages, hired help at home, etc, we do as well. However hired help seems like a weird gift to me. In my household, gifting her a house cleaner would be a slap in the face, as if it’s her job to have this baby and also keep the house clean, but this one time I’ll get you the “gift” of someone else cleaning…

    #236739 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar EH 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 82
    Joined: 01/30/2016

    Most of this stuff sounds like stuff you are going to do anyway if high income – eating out, cleaning, massage, gift cards. I’m not a jewelry person but that’s the only thing that remotely makes sense to me so far – at least you can remember it as a keepsake. Those headphones or Apple Watch will be obsolete in a few years.

    #236740 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar Ha 
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 46
    Joined: 01/25/2018

    Having had to push 5 children, I have never gotten a “push” present from my husband but I love this idea!  My vote is for a cleaning service or take-out meals.  Or a mother’s helper for a neighborhood kid to watch/play with the older ones so she can nap when the new baby naps.


    #236751 Reply
    Liked by AZPT, jfoxcpacfp
    Avatar Tim 
    Status: Accountant
    Posts: 3084
    Joined: 09/18/2018

    8/5/19xx at 7:05pm my lovely wife gave birth to my wonderful daughter.
    •As far as “help” in the form of family or maids:
    Only those that are truly “workers”, not visitors. The only word allowed is “Yes”. Clean this, get that, run to the store, I need, give me the remote, any request.
    •The only gift that lasted was “daughter’s photo album “
    First picture is 8×10 pregnant mom picture. Couple of pics of the mom, dad, baby, OB/gen hospital. Each year , mom adds a page or two. That album has been updated each year with pictures of mom’s choosing. I am not talking a “small one”, on the front it has the name and an insert for whatever pic mom wants. My daughter asked for it, mom said “not yet”. Who knows when the keepsake will get handed down?
    Mom has one for both kids. What we have found, so many digital pictures, print only special ones. One is about 4 with a big frown, cheeks puffed out with spaghetti sauce all over. Another preK soccer uniform. These have special meanings to us, no one else.
    •Mood wise, the answer is yes too. A handmade card might end up in the trash or be kept forever.
    •Every year, mom gets taken out for dinner on the kid’s birthday. Mom did the work and she knows I appreciate it. 7pm.
    • Tonight was another birthday dinner, this time both mom and daughter were there. Funny how a mom tells my daughter it’s her birthday dinner. Daughter knows better and took off after to celebrate with friends.
    • Whatever you choose, Mom needs to feel appreciated.

    #236760 Reply
    hatton1 hatton1 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 3064
    Joined: 01/11/2016

    The best “push” present that I ever saw was a Becks dark which was drunk by the patient while I sewed up her lacerations.  (The patient was not planning to breastfeed due to seizure meds.)

    #236765 Reply
    Lordosis Lordosis 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1862
    Joined: 02/11/2019

    I have never heard the term push present until this thread. But any present the rules are the same.  It obviously has to be something the receiver wants.  And it is best if it is something they would not normally buy for themselves.  Replacing a well worn item with a new version is sometimes good.

    Do you want it to be related to the event vs just a random gift?

    The best “push” present that I ever saw was a Becks dark which was drunk by the patient while I sewed up her lacerations.

    Click to expand…

    My wife really wanted a particular sandwich from a local shop.  Our hospital is not known for its food so she was happy when I surprised her with it.


    @Vagabond-  There is a difference between hearing the crying and being aware of the crying.  Taking it down a dozen decibels can really preserve sanity!

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #236767 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar rdo 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 182
    Joined: 03/12/2017

    Never had a push present.  My husband agreed to buy my first luxury bag.  We went for a  trip before 3rd baby. I felt that we will not be able to take that trip in a long time.  I agree with bose headphones.  I also liked lavender infused eye mask.  housecleaning, meals prepared, and knowing my husband will take night shift helped a lot.  maternity and newborn photo shoot if your wife is into that.  I also saw bracelet that you can engrave her signature.  again, congratulations!

    #236812 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar Dusn 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 194
    Joined: 01/02/2018

    I’m sure anything that could help her (or both of you) get more rest and sleep in those first few months would be greatly appreciated.


    #236813 Reply
    Liked by AZPT
    Avatar MSooner 
    Status: Spouse
    Posts: 200
    Joined: 02/25/2016

    Hmm…I’ve had four kids and I feel like I cant come up with a good answer! Honestly, a day out planned by my husband, but I feel like that is really relationship dependent.

    If this is child #1 and she is planning to breastfeed/pump, this would make a thoughtful gift, though I wouldn’t call it “push present” level:

    It really helped me cope with my feelings about leaving baby behind and deal with all the work that comes with being a working mother when I went back to work with my 1st

    #236945 Reply
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 2509
    Joined: 05/01/2017

    The best “push” present that I ever saw was a Becks dark which was drunk by the patient while I sewed up her lacerations.  (The patient was not planning to breastfeed due to seizure meds.)

    Click to expand…

    After my daughter was born my bro and SIL snuck the works for a full on martini into post-partum for my wife — shaker, ice, olives the whole nine.


    #236964 Reply
    Avatar Ghetto 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 126
    Joined: 08/13/2017

    How about a sexy getup from Victoria’s Secret?

    #236966 Reply
    childay childay 
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1013
    Joined: 01/09/2016
    maternity and newborn photo shoot if your wife is into that.

    Click to expand…

    I like this idea.  Get it set up for a few days after delivery.  Gonna be otherwise too busy and tired to have the energy after delivery.

    #236970 Reply
    Liked by Lordosis

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