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Inheritance – How mad will you be if you get nothing?

Home Estate Planning Inheritance – How mad will you be if you get nothing?

  • Donnie Donnie 
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    but I wouldn’t be upset that they were rejecting me (whatever that means)

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    to refuse to hear, receive, or admit :  renounce, repudiate, rebuff, repel, discard, disown   parents who reject their children

    This is what it would mean if Ramsey would disinherit one of his children because they didn’t adopt his religious beliefs.

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    I think the difference is that I wouldn’t think my parents would be “renouncing repudiating, rebuffing, repelling, discarding, or disowning” me just because they didn’t hand me a pile of money when they died.

    My grandfather used to say:

    If your kids are worthy, they don’t need the inheritance.

    If your kids are unworthy, they don’t deserve the inheritance.

    Those of us reading this blog are probably in a different place financially than the general public.  I also would be happy if my parents spent all their money on themselves.  Though if I was stuck in a low wage job struggling to make ends meet, a little inheritance would be a blessing.

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    I’ve certainly seen a lot of drama and family conflict when larger amounts of money / assets are on the line, even if the people involved didn’t really need the money.  I think the general public doesn’t have many assets when they die, so it’s not as much of an issue further for them.  In many cases, I am sure their children have been supporting the parents in the parents’ later years.

    #58423 Reply
    CM CM 
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    I think the difference is that I wouldn’t think my parents would be “renouncing repudiating, rebuffing, repelling, discarding, or disowning” me just because they didn’t hand me a pile of money when they died.

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    … but that is what Ramsey would be doing by disinheriting one child because the child was not christian, while leaving an inheritance to the other children who were christian.

    That isn’t the same as Ramsey spending every penny before death, or even leaving more to some children than others because some had less money. It is an active rejection of the non-christian child because of his/her beliefs; it’s a rejection of that child and who he/she is. The renouncing of a child is what matters, not the money.

    Erstwhile Dance Theatre of Dayton performer cum bellhop. Carried bags for Cyd Charisse (gracious). Hosted epic company parties after Friday night rehearsals.

    #58430 Reply
    Donnie Donnie 
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    I think the difference is that I wouldn’t think my parents would be “renouncing repudiating, rebuffing, repelling, discarding, or disowning” me just because they didn’t hand me a pile of money when they died.

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    … but that is what Ramsey would be doing by disinheriting one child because the child was not christian, while leaving an inheritance to the other children who were christian.

    That isn’t the same as Ramsey spending every penny before death, or even leaving more to some children than others because some had less money. It is an active rejection of the non-christian child because of his/her beliefs; it’s a rejection of that child and who he/she is. The renouncing of a child is what matters, not the money.

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    I think Dave believes he is doing what is in the best interest of his children.  If he truly believes religion is important and eternity is at stake, then it would be much worse for him not force his kids to focus on it.  You can debate over whether his beliefs are silly, but I am sure he would view giving his children millions of dollars and providing a cushy, materialistic lifestyle as they renounce Christianity as a far worse rejection of his children.

     

    #58437 Reply
    Vagabond MD Vagabond MD 
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    As usual, my perspective is going to be different from the majority. I have already received two relatively small inheritances, one from an Aunt of approximately $50k, about 20 years ago and another from my grandmother of approximately $225k, about 7 years ago, IIRC. Neither was life changing, but certainly every little bit helps.

    Going forward, I expect an inheritance of between $500k and $1.5M, mostly as an inherited IRA, from my 85 year old father, who continues to build his nest egg into retirement. My mother will likely spend through her assets, but is currently sitting on about $1.5M in assets. My financial projections do not include any such inheritance, but if $1.5M were dropped on me tomorrow, it might be the straw the broke this working camel’s back, so to speak. ????

    It was a priority of my father to support his children with education and financial help, as required, and leave a monetary legacy to the next generation. I have similar objectives.

    "Wealth is the slave of the wise man and the master of the fool.” -Seneca the Younger

    #58439 Reply
    Avatar pulmdoc 
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    I have actively told my elderly mother that the bulk of any inheritance should go to my sister. She has been a solid citizen, she and her husband just picked careers that are not as well paid so her household income is roughly 10-15% of mine. I already spend all the money I want to spend and have significant savings; inheritence money would be invested, likely never spent and passed along as inheritence to the next generation. On the other hand, that same money going to my sister would make a huge difference in the financial opportunities available to her and her family. However, my mother insists on a 50/50 split for fairness’ sake.

    #58442 Reply
    hatton1 hatton1 
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    My perspective is also different.  I inherited about $300k eight years ago from my father.  I was 52 so it was not a life altering event.  My husbands mother is 86 and in bad health.  He will probably inherit about 200K and a couple of houses.  His mother is the type who constantly talks about changing her will to manipulate her children and grandchildren.  My father had one will that never changed and it was the same as his parents.  He split his money equally between his children and the youngest female got his house.  I think he was uncomfortable changing his will because he had agreed to this when my mother was still alive.  So I inherited the house even though I was the most financially successful child. I am in an indecisive state about who to leave my assets to.  I had always planned on leaving money to my two brothers kids.  I had planned to leave it more or less equally.  Recently one of my nieces  threatened me.  She has a history of psychiatric problems so I am contemplating leaving her less than her sisters.

    #58444 Reply
    MPMD MPMD 
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    I think Dave believes he is doing what is in the best interest of his children.  If he truly believes religion is important and eternity is at stake, then it would be much worse for him not force his kids to focus on it.  You can debate over whether his beliefs are silly, but I am sure he would view giving his children millions of dollars and providing a cushy, materialistic lifestyle as they renounce Christianity as a far worse rejection of his children.

     

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    So now Donnie and I can move our battle (plus our dueling Big Lebowski quotes) to the forum.

    I was his initial interlocutor who thought that disinheriting a kid over religion was terrible.

    To be fair, I don’t know for sure that this is Dave’s plan. What I heard him say is that at the top of his estate planning documents is the biblical verse “as for me and my house, we will serve the lord” and then he said something about how if a kid wasn’t walking with jesus he wouldn’t be part of the estate.

    I stand by my comments that, if true, that would be a terrible way to interact with your kids. I honestly think this got sidetracked a little bit into an (admittedly worthwhile) discussion of expecting an inheritance. I don’t expect or feel entitled to anything and I’ve personally encouraged both of my own parents to “leave it all on the field.” That said, I think when you are part of a multimillion dollar family business and your parents are outspoken “family values” advocates it is not being overly millennial to hope to receive some of that estate. Dave’s boasts would indicate that his NW is minimum $30M, probably more. Not leaving some of that to your kids is a statement, and not a loving one for the most part.

    To tie a huge inheritance to a specific denomination(American Southern Evangelical) of a certain religion (Protestant Christianity) is unethical. You are seeking to control the inner life of another autonomous person through financial coercion. With that much money on the table the coercion is real and would affect 99% of people.

    It sounds worse in reverse: I’m an atheist, I don’t think it would be ethical for me to say to my children “if you join a church or start praying you are out of the will.”

    #58445 Reply
    Donnie Donnie 
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    I am not saying it is right for a parent to manipulate a child through inheritance.  I am saying that it is wrong to let yourself be manipulated by your parents because you can only be manipulated if you are relying on something you have no right to expect.

    It sounds worse in reverse: I’m an atheist, I don’t think it would be ethical for me to say to my children “if you join a church or start praying you are out of the will.”

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    The reverse is worse since Dave likely believes his kids will spend an eternity in hell.  This is probably a worse outcome than whatever would happen to you if you don’t become an atheist.  I am not well-versed on the beliefs of atheists, but I assume that according to atheists nothing happens to you whether you believe in atheism or not.

    #58450 Reply
    MPMD MPMD 
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    I am not saying it is right for a parent to manipulate a child through inheritance.  I am saying that it is wrong to let yourself be manipulated by your parents because you can only be manipulated if you are relying on something you have no right to expect.

    It sounds worse in reverse: I’m an atheist, I don’t think it would be ethical for me to say to my children “if you join a church or start praying you are out of the will.”

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    The reverse is worse since Dave likely believes his kids will spend an eternity in hell.  This is probably a worse outcome than whatever would happen to you if you don’t become an atheist.  I am not well-versed on the beliefs of atheists, but I assume that according to atheists nothing happens to you whether you believe in atheism or not.

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    1. I think you are just denying the actual impact of having someone basically dangle $5-10M in front of you based on your religious decisions. It’s very easy on an internet forum to say that we would all apply the most high minded principles, but traditionally when that much money is on the table many people don’t.

    2. Atheists don’t have beliefs. It’s like the exact way you feel about all other gods than the one or so you’ve chosen to believe in.

    #58495 Reply
    Avatar jhwkr542 
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    I am ok with Dave giving inheritance to his kids however he feels he should. I am not ok with Dave loving his kids conditionally.

    #58500 Reply
    Liked by Vagabond MD
    Donnie Donnie 
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    I am ok with Dave giving inheritance to his kids however he feels he should. I am not ok with Dave loving his kids conditionally.

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    Equating love with inheritance is the part that I disagree with.  I don’t think Dave has ever said he will only love his children under certain conditions.  He may have said he will only give them a large sum of money under certain conditions.

    1. I think you are just denying the actual impact of having someone basically dangle $5-10M in front of you based on your religious decisions. It’s very easy on an internet forum to say that we would all apply the most high minded principles, but traditionally when that much money is on the table many people don’t.

    2. Atheists don’t have beliefs. It’s like the exact way you feel about all other gods than the one or so you’ve chosen to believe in.

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    1. Probably, but that’s kind of the point – Try to come up with the right answer when there is no actual real world impact.
    2. Right.  My point is a theoretical one, but if you believe in some god, you often believe that the consequences of disbelieving are dire.  If you have no beliefs, there are no consequences of believing something else.  Therefore it logically makes more sense for Dave to try to impose his beliefs on his children rather than if an atheist were to do so.
    #58509 Reply
    Avatar jhwkr542 
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    Whatever you want to call it, he’s still putting conditions on his financial support that urges them to live a certain way. That’s immoral in my opinion. Also, this isn’t about religion. It could be anything (religion, orientation, job, whether they get married/have kids, choosing index funds, what car they drive, etc). He should support their decisions and their own free will.

    #58512 Reply
    q-school q-school 
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    Earnest refinancing bonus

    Whatever you want to call it, he’s still putting conditions on his financial support that urges them to live a certain way. That’s immoral in my opinion. Also, this isn’t about religion. It could be anything (religion, orientation, job, whether they get married/have kids, choosing index funds, what car they drive, etc). He should support their decisions and their own free will.

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    aren’t his kids young adults?  still in college?  isn’t he supposed to encourage them to live a certain way?

    caveat:  i know nothing about dave ramsey other than he supports paying off small debts completely first.

    my parents are still encouraging me to live a certain way.  well dad did until he passed anyways.  but he was still bossy while i was deep into 40s.

    what about everyone here who wants to use trusts because they don’t think their kids are responsible enough to handle the money?  is that so different?

    i’m not picking on you, by the way.  just continuing the discussion.

     

    #58517 Reply
    Avatar Ricky 
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    I’d hope my parents give it to my kids as it will help them so much more than me. I can’t imagine what an inheritance would have done for me while I was in school. Now it would be nice, but not the huge blessing it would have been back then.

    #58520 Reply
    Avatar jhwkr542 
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    @q-school: do you think it would be moral for your dad to give your inheritance to your sibling if you did something he didn’t like? I say no. To me, leaving your money to your family is itself an act of love. Why? Because they could leave it to anyone but people typically pick their family because those are the people who matter most to them. All else being equal, withholding inheritance from a child based on the choices they make (assuming they’re legal and they’re not involved in human trafficking or whatnot) implies that you value one over the other. In this scenario, if one of Dave’s kids converts to Judaism and one is Christian, I think it’d be immoral of him to give his inheritance to the Christian.

    #58521 Reply

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