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Best jokes/shtick with patients?

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  • Lordosis Lordosis 
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    Status: Physician
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    Joined: 02/11/2019

    Came across this and reminded me of this old Simpsons episode.

     

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #195991 Reply
    Liked by jfoxcpacfp, Peds
    Avatar rmecc001 
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    Status: Physician
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    Joined: 02/03/2016

    When discussing my opinion and the possibility of pursuing a work up: my wife claims that sometimes I’m wrong.  I’m not sure that’s right but just in case we might want to get the following Test/study.

     

    I live in Northern California so I harass the Raiders fans quite a bit. As a cardiologist if they have a Raiders logo on a shirt I explain that close proximity to their heart is quite dangerous.

     

    When I have students or residents with me and patient has family: “you brought backup so I did too”

     

    As doctors we don’t like to say “we don’t know” so we made up a fancy word: “idiopathic”

    #197400 Reply
    Avatar rmecc001 
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    How is your hearing?

    What?

     

    I am tired of that one.

    Click to expand…

    Another bad one: “how are you feeling?” “With my fingers”

    #197403 Reply
    Liked by Lordosis, Zaphod
    Lordosis Lordosis 
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    When kids/toddlers mess with my computer in the exam room I tell then they should be careful or they might accidentally give themselves diabetes.

    This joke is mostly for me since no one seems to think it is funny unless I have a medical student with me.  But that is probably just pity laughs.

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #197480 Reply
    Liked by CordMcNally
    CordMcNally CordMcNally 
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    Status: Physician
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    But that is probably just pity laughs.

    Click to expand…

    100%.

    “But investing isn’t about beating others at their game. It’s about controlling yourself at your own game.”
    ― Benjamin Graham, The Intelligent Investor

    #197484 Reply
    Liked by Dreamgiver, Zaphod
    CordMcNally CordMcNally 
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    Status: Physician
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    Another bad one: “how are you feeling?” “With my fingers”

    Click to expand…

    Good one, dad.

    “But investing isn’t about beating others at their game. It’s about controlling yourself at your own game.”
    ― Benjamin Graham, The Intelligent Investor

    #197486 Reply
    Avatar Peds 
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    Status: Physician
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    I tell then they should be careful or they might accidentally give themselves diabetes.

    Click to expand…

    this is…..strange….to say the least haha.

     

    every time a kid locks out my computer (because parents are bad at being parents) i tell them i will see the next patient first as i need to wait for IT to reset the computer.

     

    gets a nervous laugh every time….

    #197500 Reply
    Avatar SimonMelbourne 
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    Status: Physician
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    Joined: 04/23/2018

    I was almost finished a excisional biopsy of a skin lesion for a veterinarian. As I finished the last sutures I said ” now last thing is we fit the giant plastic cone around your neck to stop you chewing the sutures!”

    #197891 Reply
    Lordosis Lordosis 
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    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1867
    Joined: 02/11/2019

    I saw a lady today who while on vacation had urinary symptoms and went to an Urgent care.  They confirmed she had a UTI and she told me they wanted to give me an antibiotic that started with an M and it was only 100mg.  I said Macrobid? and she confirmed. Then went on to say that she told them that when she takes meds that are lower then 250mg it does not work for her.  She asked me why the urgent care doctor laughed at her for telling him that.  He told her he was too busy to explain.

    I did my best explaining thinking the whole time that I really should break into an Urgent care side gig.

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #206584 Reply
    Liked by Anne, Dreamgiver
    jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
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    I saw a lady today who while on vacation had urinary symptoms and went to an Urgent care.  They confirmed she had a UTI and she told me they wanted to give me an antibiotic that started with an M and it was only 100mg.  I said Macrobid? and she confirmed. Then went on to say that she told them that when she takes meds that are lower then 250mg it does not work for her.  She asked me why the urgent care doctor laughed at her for telling him that.  He told her he was too busy to explain.

    I did my best explaining thinking the whole time that I really should break into an Urgent care side gig.

    Click to expand…

    ??? I wish I could “like” that but the only way to decide would be to get a UTI. I’ll stick with ignorance.

     

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~
    http://www.fox-cpas.com/for-doctors-only ~ [email protected]

    #206628 Reply
    Dreamgiver Dreamgiver 
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    Forget this mg crud, only grams work for me

    #206632 Reply
    Liked by Peds, Lordosis, Zaphod, Anne
    Avatar Xeno 
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    Status: Physician
    Posts: 128
    Joined: 01/24/2016

    Pound for pound, what is the strongest antibiotic? If sports talk radio tackled infectious diseases and pharmacology.

    I hope @lordosis and @dreamgiver don’t ever use fentanyl or remifentanil on a patient who demands a minimum dose of 250mg. Heck, even Bumex or clondine would be a bad choice at that dose.

    #206752 Reply
    Liked by Zaphod, Dreamgiver
    Lordosis Lordosis 
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    Status: Physician
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    Joined: 02/11/2019
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    Pound for pound, what is the strongest antibiotic? If sports talk radio tackled infectious diseases and pharmacology.

    I hope @lordosis and @dreamgiver don’t ever use fentanyl or remifentanil on a patient who demands a minimum dose of 250mg. Heck, even Bumex or clondine would be a bad choice at that dose.

    Click to expand…

    I am going to ask the pharmacy to convert and label the bottles with mcg.  Then everything will seem 1000x stronger!  My Press Ganey scores will soar!

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #206761 Reply
    Liked by Hank, Dreamgiver

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