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Best jokes/shtick with patients?

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  • Lordosis Lordosis 
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    Status: Physician
    Posts: 317
    Joined: 02/11/2019
    Disability Insurance

    Came across this and reminded me of this old Simpsons episode.

     

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #195991 Reply
    Liked by jfoxcpacfp, Peds
    Avatar rmecc001 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 18
    Joined: 02/03/2016

    When discussing my opinion and the possibility of pursuing a work up: my wife claims that sometimes I’m wrong.  I’m not sure that’s right but just in case we might want to get the following Test/study.

     

    I live in Northern California so I harass the Raiders fans quite a bit. As a cardiologist if they have a Raiders logo on a shirt I explain that close proximity to their heart is quite dangerous.

     

    When I have students or residents with me and patient has family: “you brought backup so I did too”

     

    As doctors we don’t like to say “we don’t know” so we made up a fancy word: “idiopathic”

    #197400 Reply
    Avatar rmecc001 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 18
    Joined: 02/03/2016

    How is your hearing?

    What?

     

    I am tired of that one.

    Click to expand…

    Another bad one: “how are you feeling?” “With my fingers”

    #197403 Reply
    Liked by Lordosis, Zaphod
    Lordosis Lordosis 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 317
    Joined: 02/11/2019

    When kids/toddlers mess with my computer in the exam room I tell then they should be careful or they might accidentally give themselves diabetes.

    This joke is mostly for me since no one seems to think it is funny unless I have a medical student with me.  But that is probably just pity laughs.

    “Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

    #197480 Reply
    Liked by CordMcNally
    CordMcNally CordMcNally 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1609
    Joined: 01/03/2017
    But that is probably just pity laughs.

    Click to expand…

    100%.

    “But investing isn’t about beating others at their game. It’s about controlling yourself at your own game.”
    ― Benjamin Graham, The Intelligent Investor

    #197484 Reply
    Liked by Dreamgiver, Zaphod
    CordMcNally CordMcNally 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1609
    Joined: 01/03/2017

    Another bad one: “how are you feeling?” “With my fingers”

    Click to expand…

    Good one, dad.

    “But investing isn’t about beating others at their game. It’s about controlling yourself at your own game.”
    ― Benjamin Graham, The Intelligent Investor

    #197486 Reply
    Avatar Peds 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 3010
    Joined: 01/08/2016
    I tell then they should be careful or they might accidentally give themselves diabetes.

    Click to expand…

    this is…..strange….to say the least haha.

     

    every time a kid locks out my computer (because parents are bad at being parents) i tell them i will see the next patient first as i need to wait for IT to reset the computer.

     

    gets a nervous laugh every time….

    #197500 Reply
    Avatar SimonMelbourne 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 3
    Joined: 04/23/2018

    I was almost finished a excisional biopsy of a skin lesion for a veterinarian. As I finished the last sutures I said ” now last thing is we fit the giant plastic cone around your neck to stop you chewing the sutures!”

    #197891 Reply

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