Menu

Best jokes/shtick with patients?

Home The Lounge Best jokes/shtick with patients?

  •  AlexxT 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 897
    Joined: 01/13/2016

    Post op, when the patient tells everything is ok, I will say, “That’s great.  If I can get 2 more good results, they said I could get my license back”

    #150049 Reply
     Dru 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 47
    Joined: 01/09/2016

    Parents of 18-24 month old boys: “when will he stop putting his hand down his pants?”

    Me: “oh, he’ll only do that for about 85 more years “

     joeblo 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 20
    Joined: 01/04/2018

    I relieve preop anxiety with this cracks

    … as you know every WWE “wrestler” has his signature move … well then, as a well trained Anesthesiologist, guess what my best trained move is … the “sleeper hold” …

    OR

    pt: “Doc, I am scared I won’t wake up afterwards”

    me: “Of course you will, it’s too much paperwork if you don’t”

    OR

    note: most patients are NPO prior to surgery

    pt: “Doc, I am scared/worried/anxious”

    me: “You know the only thing you need to worry about (pause) is which drive thru restaurant you’re gonna stop at on e the way home cuz I know you’re hungry. You just worry about that and we’ll take care of the rest. Trust me.”

    #150107 Reply
    Drop it into MD Drop it into MD 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 221
    Joined: 09/20/2018

    I have little kids open their eyes real wide.

    Then open your mouth real wide.

    Then open your nose real wide…  Usually get some funny results. And you find out who can flare their nostrils.

    #167772 Reply
    jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
    Moderator
    Status: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business Owner
    Posts: 6108
    Joined: 01/09/2016
    I have little kids open their eyes real wide. Then open your mouth real wide. Then open your nose real wide…  Usually get some funny results. And you find out who can flare their nostrils.

    Drop it into MD – I’m glad you’re refreshing this thread!

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~ 270-247-0555
    https://fox-cpas.com/for-doctors-only/

    #167782 Reply
    Drop it into MD Drop it into MD 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 221
    Joined: 09/20/2018
    I have little kids open their eyes real wide. Then open your mouth real wide. Then open your nose real wide…  Usually get some funny results. And you find out who can flare their nostrils.

    Drop it into MD – I’m glad you’re refreshing this thread!

    Click to expand…

    Me too,  I hope we can keep it going.

    You really have it made if you have a good financial sense and a good sense of humor.

    #167797 Reply
    jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
    Moderator
    Status: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business Owner
    Posts: 6108
    Joined: 01/09/2016
    Fundrise eREIT
    You really have it made if you have a good financial sense and a good sense of humor.

    Click to expand…

    LOL, I am just grateful when someone actually gets my weird attempts at being funny (or pretends they do  😎 )

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~ 270-247-0555
    https://fox-cpas.com/for-doctors-only/

    #167799 Reply
    Drop it into MD Drop it into MD 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 221
    Joined: 09/20/2018

    Your CPA joke was a good one.  I have not heard it before and it gave me a chuckle.  A lot of the physician jokes are good too but I see that we all take from the same pool.  I cannot tell you how many times I groaned inwardly when I was a student/resident and I heard someone make the “this won’t hurt me a bit”  joke.

    Most of the time it doesn’t matter because you only see the patient 1-2 times a year but when you have a student who has to hear it 20 times a day I try to keep it fresh.

    #167801 Reply
     LizOB 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 270
    Joined: 06/05/2017

    Whenever I start a pelvic exam and the pt mentions that she doesn’t like them (internal thought btw is DUH and an eye roll), what I say is “you know what, in all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never had a patient say oh good a pelvic exam!” which usually gets a chuckle

    #167824 Reply
    CordMcNally CordMcNally 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 1008
    Joined: 01/03/2017

    To turn things around a bit, a patient “joke” that I always get in the ED when I ask them what’s going on or what brings them in is they say some variation of “I don’t know, you tell me”. My first instinct is to leave the room and discharge them. This happens at least 3 times per shift.

    “But investing isn’t about beating others at their game. It’s about controlling yourself at your own game.”
    ― Benjamin Graham, The Intelligent Investor

    #167826 Reply
    jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
    Moderator
    Status: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business Owner
    Posts: 6108
    Joined: 01/09/2016

    Whenever I start a pelvic exam and the pt mentions that she doesn’t like them (internal thought btw is DUH and an eye roll), what I say is “you know what, in all the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve never had a patient say oh good a pelvic exam!” which usually gets a chuckle

    Click to expand…

    lol, add me to the chuckle list. And to the never-that-reaction-either list, too.

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~ 270-247-0555
    https://fox-cpas.com/for-doctors-only/

    #167828 Reply
    Drop it into MD Drop it into MD 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 221
    Joined: 09/20/2018

    How is your hearing?

    What?

     

    I am tired of that one.

    #167830 Reply
     hospitalist md 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 46
    Joined: 10/31/2017

    ok… tht was funny

     

    #167834 Reply
     Xeno 
    Participant
    Status: Physician
    Posts: 56
    Joined: 01/24/2016

    One that used to catch me off guard, but I’ve gotten used to it from a few patients with a sense of humor. On patient re-check, after meds for pain or nausea meds.

    Doc: “Mr. Jones, how do you feel now?”

    Patient: “With my hands, like before.”

    Also, whenever I go for an OB ultrasound with my wife, I very sincerely ask the technician whether they’re allowed to tell us anything, and then whisper conspiratorially, “Can you tell who the father is?”

    jfoxcpacfp jfoxcpacfp 
    Moderator
    Status: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business Owner
    Posts: 6108
    Joined: 01/09/2016

    One that used to catch me off guard, but I’ve gotten used to it from a few patients with a sense of humor. On patient re-check, after meds for pain or nausea meds.

    Doc: “Mr. Jones, how do you feel now?”

    Patient: “With my hands, like before.”

    Also, whenever I go for an OB ultrasound with my wife, I very sincerely ask the technician whether they’re allowed to tell us anything, and then whisper conspiratorially, “Can you tell who the father is?”

    Click to expand…

    Another I’ve heard is…

    Patient – Doctor, will I be able to play the piano now? Doctor – Of course, your hands are as good as new. Patient – That’s wonderful – I never could play before!

    Johanna Fox Turner, CPA, CFP, Fox Wealth Mgmt & Fox CPAs ~ 270-247-0555
    https://fox-cpas.com/for-doctors-only/

    #167842 Reply
    Liked by Dreamgiver, Anne

Reply To: Best jokes/shtick with patients?

In case of a glitch or error, please save your text elsewhere, clear browser cache, close browser, open browser and refresh the page.

you're currently offline

Notifications Mark all as read  |  Clear