JKParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 138Joined: 01/09/2016
I also use the “doesn’t hurt me at all” bit with local anesthesia. Seems to lighten the mood.
A few others:
-When they come with family. I usually shake the patient’s hand and then say something like, “I see you brought your body guard to make sure I’m on my best behavior.” The patient and family member/friend always seem to get a chuckle.
-When discussing a follow-up appointment date, I either say:
“12 months or 12000 miles”
“12 months or 1 year, whichever comes sooner.” It usually takes them a few seconds to get that one and then they start laughing.
-If they develop something that is likely due to age, I usually say, “It’s a sign you’re getting younger.”
-If it’s something that tends to run in families, I usually say, “It’s one other thing you can thank your parents for.”AlexxTParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 897Joined: 01/13/2016“12 months or 1 year, whichever comes sooner.” It usually takes them a few seconds to get that one and then they start laughing.Click to expand…
When they ask me if some useless remedy will improve their surgical scar, I tell them that if they use it, the scar will be better in 6 months, but if they don’t, it will take half a year.ENT DocParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 3353Joined: 01/14/2017
This is a rare situation, but I typically wait for the patient to loosen up by saying “can you see my brain?” (smirking) when looking in one ear. Then I start reporting on what’s on the opposite wall while looking in.Gas_DocParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 203Joined: 01/09/2016
My running joke in preop before the patient goes back to surgery that gets a laugh/smile about 75% of time:
Me: “How was breakfast this morning?”
Patient: “I didn’t have any breakfast” (with a look of confusion, patient thinks to himself “was I actually allowed to eat this morning)
Me: “that’s the right answer”
Commence laughtersleepysurfParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 5Joined: 08/01/2018
Before anesthetizing an anxious patient, I’ll sometimes say “No worries… I don’t get paid for putting you to sleep… only for waking you up!”
Alternatively, I might say… “No worries. I just watched the YouTube video on how to do this!”
Of course, this all depends upon the patient and procedure.legobikesParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 225Joined: 05/25/2017
About 80% of the time three- and four-year olds, mostly boys, will point to their stomach when I ask them where is their heart. Then I say, “well, I guess that is the way to a man’s heart.”jfoxcpacfpModeratorStatus: Financial Advisor, Accountant, Small Business OwnerPosts: 7794Joined: 01/09/2016Alternatively, I might say… “No worries. I just watched the YouTube video on how to do this!”Click to expand…
ok, that got a LOLSeptember 10, 2018 at 1:00 pm MST #149952radonc23ModeratorStatus: PhysicianPosts: 26Joined: 03/07/2018
Rad Onc doesn’t lead to much hilarity ensuing, but..
DRE for prostate cancer staging:
When they seem dismayed – “Yeah, you think I like this? It’s the worst part of my job.” Or “You think when I dreamed of becoming a doctor, this is what I had in mind.”
For the real “manly” guys- “Worry if you feel two hands on your shoulder”
During on treatment visits when the patient is a man and the spouse is with them, when the visit is over- “Take him home … and be nice to him.” Always gets a giggle.
When a patient is following up and returned to normal weight and we are doing ROS … poke him in the stomach and say “Looks like we’re eating alright”ITEngineerParticipantStatus: Other ProfessionalPosts: 307Joined: 05/09/2017
For kid #2 – Apparently the 4 doctors that were supposed to do the delivery were unavailable (reasons unknown to this day, but this was over a decade ago)
In between contractions, my wife made it clear to me that she was not happy having a random doctor do the delivery.
When the doctor arrived, he made some professional small talk (while doing what doctors do with a woman in labor) then at one point asked “What are you going to name him?”
My wife responded that we hadn’t decided yet. Without skipping a beat “So you’re going to name him after me, right?” 😉
It was the perfect ice breaker.squaredrootParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 24Joined: 07/11/2017
A couple here as well:
While doing MSK Ultrasound i.e. on shoulder:
Me: “and there we can see the little heartbeat…” and also “I don’t really know what I’m looking at here, I just stayed at a Holliday inn express”.
Me: “You’ve got lumbosacral plexopathy mostly affecting upper trunk” – That’s the fancy words so you believe me I’m a real doctor”
Another time when they tell me I’m too young:
Me: ” I’m actually 75; I just age very well” or ” I just work as a doctor part time in between my science projects”
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation" - HDT
laraizcuadrada.comburritosParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 433Joined: 04/23/2018
As I was doing a pelvic on a lady, she asked me how I liked her “lovejar”?September 10, 2018 at 3:18 pm MST #149976DusnParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 180Joined: 01/02/2018
I tried the “doesn’t hurt me at all” bit before an eye injection once… yeah… they don’t seem to find it as funny when they’re about to get a needle in the eye.September 10, 2018 at 3:28 pm MST #149978FunkDoc83ParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 198Joined: 04/12/2018
My fallback CPA witticism (ok, a contradiction in terms) is:
“There are 3 kinds of CPAs. Those who can count and those who can’t.”
More doctor 1-liners please – I want to see more! You, too, @jk!Click to expand…
Jfox that made me LOL. My favorite one so far, probably because I’m used to all the usual doctor one liners!Brains428ParticipantStatus: PhysicianPosts: 309Joined: 11/09/2017
So, I mostly speak to other physicians. When asked by a lower level resident if I could take a look at a couple images on a belly MRI, I said, “Which 2 images (there are usually 2K or so images)?” They were sort of dumb founded.
I still helped the person out. Sometimes clinicians forget that ordering a scan is more involved than simply putting in the order and waiting for the result.September 10, 2018 at 6:13 pm MST #150024